You ever notice how every time you queue into Battleground Blitz, it feels less like a game and more like walking into an underground casino run by some shady mob boss? “Oh, you wanna play fair, solo, and enjoy yourself? HA! Sit down, junior, the big boys are playing!”
These queue-syncing mafias have turned BG Blitz into their personal fiefdom. Premades everywhere. Oh, but they’re downsizing! Now instead of 40-man Gold printing mobsters cornering the bloodstone market, it’s just 8 organized psychopaths running coordinated ops on Discord. How thoughtful. Yeah, it’s so much better when 4 scripting DPS players are doing Boomkin DPS while cross ccing both healers longer than it will take for life to form on Saturn.
And the queue dodging? Don’t get me started. They’ve turned re-queueing into a sport. “Send in a scout to check if it’s a premade. No? Back out. Still no? Back out. Oh wait, the premade’s on the other side now? Okay, drop queue again.” The dedication here is impressive—if only they applied this level of effort to something useful, like figuring out why Blizzard’s still giving Vicious Saddle rewards at the same rate as molasses dripping uphill in winter what can we even do with those anymore anyway??
But let’s not forget the matchmaking, the pièce de résistance of this fiasco. You hit 1700 rating with a high winrate, and suddenly, you’re the designated punching bag int a 3500 mmr giga ultra mega main lobby with 15 sweaty neckbearded monitor tanning dorito dusted keyboard gamers. It’s like the game’s rigged against you. “Hey, let’s put this guy on the losing team for 7 games straight and see how long it takes him to uninstall.”
Meanwhile, healers? They’re treated like the janitors of the BG. “Why didn’t you heal me, bro?” Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m being CC’d into oblivion by 5 rogues while you’re off soloing a base like it’s 2008.
And the solutions people propose? They’re gold. “Just run a 5-man group and wreck the place.” Sure, why not? Let’s turn Blitz into a shark tank where everyone’s forming gangs, and solo players are chum. Or better yet, War Games for premades! Yeah, let’s isolate the lunatics so they can battle each other in a private asylum.
But let’s be honest, Blizzard won’t do jack about it. The syncers and dodgers run the show, and Blizzard’s too busy counting their cash from the bruto. Unless some big streamer raises hell, nothing’s gonna change. Oh, but don’t criticize too loudly, or you’ll end up in low priority que for bg blitz. Because, you know, these premade mafias have their own lists. Step out of line, and you’re excommunicated. It’s like middle school drama, but with more spreadsheets.
So here we are. Battleground Blitz: where healers are scapegoats, premades queue sync cabal agents are royalty, and solo players are cannon fodder. Welcome to the circus. Just don’t forget your clown shoes—you’re gonna need 'em.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to queue solo and pretend this game is still fun. GG, Blizzard.
for the good English, that was a good read. And i understood all the references.