What are you wearing, Jake from State Farm?
Uhhh, khakis?
I used to think quoting commercials was a safe type of humor but once we had a call with a Jake from State Farm and the conversation quickly turned inappropriate.
Uncle Zekeâs still had been swallowed up by a sink-hole and the insurance company was balking on payments. Uncle Zeke was the only witness and he insisted it wasnât a sink-hole but a giant worm that swallowed his still. State Farm was claiming that the giant worm is in the incident report and since we arenât covered for giant worms they donât need to pay.
We had a call with State Farm on speaker phone. When the rep answered the phone and said âHi, this is Jake from State Farmâ, Uncle Zeke responded with âWhat are you wearing, Jake from State Farm.â
There was a pause, and then in a crazed voice he said âYour Mother, like a PUPPET OF FLESH!â Then he laughed maniacally.
Grandma started twitching in her chair and appeared to be trying to stand, but her limbs were flailing around in stiff, odd movements, as if she wasnât used to moving her own body and couldnât get herself under control. Her eyes beseeched us for help as her neck rolled back against the chair, straining to get away from the rest of her body.
Anyways, weâre with Geico now.
Grandma still twitches every so often. Sometimes, in the middle of a conversation, sheâll fall silent and get a small, malevolent smile on her face and glance at us all through the corner of her eyes, as if she has a secret.
Itâs very unnerving, and Iâve taken to locking up the knives, harpoons, and meat-hooks in the safe while we get this worked out with Jakeâs Supervisor.
Some of you act as if you were even present. I would have remembered that much. Youâre coping over a loss you didnât afford yourself the privilege as Alliance to suffer. But I guess we all cope in different ways. I can put the game down and enjoy other topics just as well as you can. Youâd have no idea how enriched of a life I lead outside.
But my experience here is validated. Anyway, those are my newly developed thoughts. Just remember: those who want respect, GIVE respect.
What in Bonzoâs brass buttons are you talking about?