Your April Fools Overwatch patch notes!

General Discussion
21

Kind of sounds badass tbh.

1 Like
22

Roadhog

  • Scrap gun

    • Bullet damage increased by 33%
    • Fire rate deceased by 30%
    • Clip sized deceased from 5 to 4

Dva

  • Micro Missles

    • Removed from kit

  • Defense Matrix

    • Now depletes twice as slow
    • Energy regeneration per second reduced to 10%

  • Boosters

    • Fusion Cannons can no longer be fired while flying
2 Likes
23

So old Hog and DVa? lol

24

D.va

  • Micro Missiles can automatically aim players
  • Can now fly booster forever
  • Can now call Reinforcement
1 Like
25

MaCree damage to 200 per bullet

1 Like
26

-Can now grow to giant and sing “Big Enough” and kill the entire enemies

1 Like
27

Pharah’s ult line is now changed to “JUSTICE!” and then she instantly dies even if no one is shooting at her

5 Likes
28

Two words… FRIENDLY FIRE!

1 Like
29

omg. this game would be SO bad with friendly fire. lolol. love it.

1 Like
30

hahahahahah im dying

1 Like
31

Symmetra has a lock on beam with Zaryas range

1 Like
32

Soldier’s voicelines are now changed from Fred Tatasciore to that of Dafran. When he ults, he now shouts “LETS GO DOOD”

4 Likes
33

I completely misread that as D.Va Ultra Instinct xD

imagine a large Mecka dodging gun fire and contorting with D.Va stil inside

34

I fear no man

but that THING

it scares me

35

Lmao exactly. Imagine it lol

36

Hero 30 is being released tomorrow, so there’s that.

1 Like
37

Okay, so after some thought, here are my patch notes by hero.

  • Ana: Half your screen is blacked out. Additionally, whenever you jump, your movement speed is reduced by 33% for 5 seconds. Getting old sucks!
  • Ashe: Removed. Players now control BOB. He can charge and auto-aim as abilities. His ultimate calls in Ashe, who throws a large quantity of Dynamite around.
    -Baptiste: Exo Boots now instantly charge without crouching. Can no longer walk, but can control air movement while jumping.
    -Bastion: A glitch in this unit’s programming has been found. Now randomly cycles between Sentry, Recon, and Tank mode at 4-6 second intervals.
    -Brigitte: Given 1000 HP w/ a 1500 HP barrier and 50 HPS Inspire self-heal so she can actually 1v6. Her Shield Bash, Whip Shot, and primary also instantly kill any Tracer or Genji they hit.
    -DVa: Says “Is this EZ mode” after every kill. Starts as Baby DVa.
    -Doomfist: Ultimate removed and replaced with Hadouken. All cooldowns reduced to 1 second.
    -Genji: Activating Dragonblade automatically kills all support heroes in a 10 m radius. Can infinitely double jump mid air. Moves at 15 m/s.
    -Hanzo: Bodyshots now count as crits. Hitbox size of arrows tripled.
    -Junkrat: Grenades reduced to 0.05 size (from 0.2). Riptire speed reduced to 3 m/s. Direct hits from primary fire deal 180 damage.
    -Lucio: Ultimate replaced with his Ult from Lucioball. Can no longer use his primary fire, but has no cooldown on boop.
    -McCree: Now accurately reports the time. Using his ult instantly kills him.
    -Mei: Given a new Devil skin that cannot be turned off. Says “Sorry! Sorry, sorry” after every kill. Cackles demonically when casting Blizzard.
    -Mercy: Healing reduced to 1 HPS, and Rez cooldown increased to 120 seconds. Blaster now deals 75 damage per shot and has infinite ammo.
    -Moira: Pee spray and ball now deal damage. Secondary fire actually locks on like old Symmetra beam.
    -Orisa: May now Gallop. Hitting Orisa with a Torbjorn hammer upgrades her into a Reinhardt. Instantly dies if hit by Rocket Punch.
    -Pharah: Now given a personality. Also instantly dies on activating Barrage.
    -Reaper: 100% Lifesteal. Can no longer reload, and will curse about not having backup shotguns on running out of ammo. Can gain ammo by collecting health packs (4 ammo on a small, 8 on a large)
    -Reinhardt: Constantly sings “Sexy sexy Reinhardt.” Hacking him downgrades him into Orisa.
    -Roadhog: Is now actually overweight. Moving for more than 5 seconds continuously will cause him to fall asleep for 3 seconds. Vape refreshes this timer.
    -Soldier 76: Shoot rainbows. Can friendly fire Reaper.
    -Sombra: Permanently invisible, and selecting her causes the team roster to show an empty slot (as if there is no player loaded). Can EMP and Hack but not use her gun. Quien es Sombra?
    -Symmetra: Selecting Symmetra will now randomly assign you to a different hero. Your team didn’t want her anyway.
    -Torbjorn: Can now wallclimb
    -Tracer: Shoots rainbows. Clip now only contains a single bullet that deals 300 damage so that players not named Effect can also one-clip.
    -Widowmaker: Bodyshots now count as critical hits. Players under Diamond rank deal no damage with her scoped fire.
    -Winston: Can now share peanut butter with other players to heal them. Using Primal Rage causes your vision to become blurry.
    -Wrecking Ball: Renamed Hammond. Now hoots like a chimpanzee for some reason?
    -Zarya: Grav now has a 20 m range and has the reverse effect. Melee attack deals 80 damage and boops.
    -Zenyatta: Now walks. Primary and secondary fire replaced with a minigun labelled “Patience”
2 Likes
38

“To infinity an- AUGHHH”

2 Likes
39

Spectators now have scatter arrows.
They can also latch onto players with a sign saying “Shoot Me Here!”

1 Like
40

I would instead change it to “jusARGHHHH”

1 Like