Introduction
In the beginning, there was only darkness.
Then Torbjorn was created.
There are multiple theories to how He was brought into existence.
Some believe in the Big Bang Theory, a phenomenon stating that the universe was created by a giant explosion; it is also a terrible TV show.
Others think that the Bigger Bang Theory was the beginning of the cosmos.
It’s basically the Big Bang Theory, but the TV show is actually funny.
Nobody knows the truth, except for Torbjorn, but He will not reveal it because he liked watching us struggle.
Over the course of seven days, Torbjorn designed Overwatch and made it the game it is today.
The First Day
Torbjorn knew that any popular game was based around people murdering each other in the most violent ways possible.
He implemented the Damage category and designed characters for many different play styles.
He sired hitscan heroes for those who would rather by playing CS:GO, projectile heroes for players who think they have good aim but end up spamming the chokepoint, flankers for those who enjoyed being a nuisance, and the Defense category (minus snipers) because losing is fun.
The Second Day
Everyone was dying too quickly.
Genji mains suffered from serious trauma since they needed healing.
Lord Toy Barn came up with a solution: the suppo- healer category.
His first creation was Mercy, who gave healing to everyone by holding down one button and screaming “HELP ME!”
After playing Jet Set Radio Future, He made Lucio.
His next characters were Ana and Zenyatta; they were designed for 14-year-old Korean trickshotters that take lethal doses of adderall.
Finally, He made Brigitte and Moira because flankers called Him a dwarf.
The Third Day
Despite the addition of healers, there was still too much damage being thrown around.
In His eternal wisdom, Toblerone invented tanks.
Reinhardt and Orisa were designed to be bullet sponges while the DPS made a compilation of their epic plays on Microsoft Moviemaker.
D.Va and Winston gave mobility to tanks, so they could run into the fight alone even quicker.
Roadhog and Zarya were made for DPS players that couldn’t play DPS.
The Fourth Day
Tolberstone forgot that the characters needed a place to fight, so he built different game modes.
Hybrid was designed to allow different characters to be picked in a diverse set of situations; everyone loved it.
Payload’s purpose was to enable responsible players to yell “PUSH THE PAYLOAD” while the rest of the team flanked.
King of the Hill was meant for those who left the game after the enemy team capped point first.
Our Lord was called a dwarf again, so He made 2CP as revenge.
Every other game mode was the product of Him letting the community design game modes.
The Fifth Day
BendOverwatch lacked any story, so Torby needed to add more depth with more characters.
He was too tired to make more playable heroes; He installed minor characters that made the important ones look more heroic.
Gerard’s role was to show that WindowWasher is a cold-hearted female dog.
Efi was necessary because she makes RoboCow even more adorable.
Emily was needed due to some Tumblr users getting angry at the lack of diversity.
Volskaya is significant since Mother Russia would be irrelevant to the story otherwise.
Maximillian was in a comic so that the community could hype up a likeable hero and get utterly disappointed.
The Sixth Day
Torblet needed somebody to take the fall in case people got mad about how Team Fortress Three was handled.
He engineered the developer team to be loved and hated by everyone.
I can’t name-and-shame, so I will use code names for each developer.
Jeph Caplin was designed to be almost as sexy as the Lord, and he talked to everyone in a passive-aggressive way that’s both irritating and charming.
Geoph Gudmon wasn’t really made to interact with the community, but people still blamed him for every tiny problem.
Pikachu was just adorable, but he wrote lore at a pace that would have lost a race to a handicapped snail.
The rest of the development team just hangs out and comes up with cool names for OWL teams.
The Seventh Day
His work was done.
The Lord had built a full game to be enjo- played by everyone.
He wanted to rest, so He imported himself into the game as another playable hero.
He shouts divine words of wisdom such as “UR MAKIN’ A CHIKIN OUT OF A FEATHA” and “AARDVARK PAYS OFFFF”.
To this day, He sits in relaxation watching JoJo as his turret gets play of the game.
Tl:Dr All Hail Torbjorn
……. What the googly-moogly is this?! 
