"I can't control how people react to what I say..."

General Discussion
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Yes you can. Yes freakin can. You control how people respond to you in the manner in which you communicate.

This is speech class 101.

If you communicate in a respectful, kind, and assertive manner, you will, more times than not, receive the same communication in return.

If you communicate in a disrespectful, vulgar, and insensitive way, you will, more times than not, will offend, be ignored, or receive a similar negative response.

I just had someone tell me the thread title, and my immediate thought was, “is this person serious?”

I refuse to believe there are these kind of willingly, reactionary, disrespectful, and lowbrow full grown adults in this world.

These people are legitimately confused on why people report, ignore, or respond negatively to them. Were they not taught this communication behavior in grade school? High school?

My grandmother had a saying she told me when I was little, “Richie, you catch more flies with Honey.”

In other words, people will stick to you and listen to you if you come off as genuine, “sweet”, or just simply respectful.

I don’t want to sound like an old geezer, but some of the youth today are extremely socially challenged. Willingly so.

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On the subject of speaking… Hi. I’m back from a month ban. I hope my sullen counterpart has kept my seat warm for me.

And in response to things here… Let’s face it. There’s a lotta people that like to use online games to deal with all that pent-up frustration and daddy issues. Sweaty, unpopular punk by day, hypertoxic Overwatch player by night.

You can lecture those kinds of folks all you want, but at the end of the day, crappy people will stay crappy. All we can hope for is that maybe someday they’ll add a system that can perma-ban the majority of the toxic kids and keep them from coming back with a new account.

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Welcome back btw!
I know deep down everything you said is accurate, but I had to get it off my chest. I wish I could help them understand that the power of communication is on of the most useful skills in life. Not just for gaming but professionally, family, friends, and almost anything.

I find it crazy that in most schools, they teach students reading and writing MORE than communication, because verbal communication is what all of will be Mostly doing our entire lives.

It’s a skill that takes effort and practice, but the reward is incredibly powerful. People just assume that because you can talk, you can communicate effectively… the truth couldn’t be further.

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My idea for good communication is usualy not use mic when plaing games. Or at least use push to talk, so if you wona vent, dont do that into voice chat.
Tho text chat is my way to communicate for long time now in gaming.

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You’re more mature than most of the playerbase by leaps and bounds, Rich. You understand the value of everything you just said. But most of these other folks? These are kids we’re talking about. Even the grown ones.

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Its mostly a toss up for me no matter what I say. People will react to words however they please.

I do try though. Its important to try.

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They should make interpersonal communication a mandatory high school course. It was a good class. Easy as a game against 222 enthusiasts playing heroes they suck at.

That being said, I still fundamentally disagree with you. Offense can only be taken, never given. They have terrible communication skills, but it is up to the recipient to get all hot and bothered about it.

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Communication 401, assume everyone is reactionary, this will dictate your own communication (essentially revealing that positive assertive communication is nearly always the best discourse).

Thing is, I’m not just saying all this willy-nilly, academic studies, tests, and publishing have proven this. Time and time again.

Even CEO’s of fortune 500 companies have written books on this very topic.

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Oh, yeah, definitely. I do not need scientific studies to prove that most people are snowflakes. I learned that the easy way. Look at all of these “do not say GG after a game” threads. Rofl. You can offend people by having manners. Wut?

If you want people to engage with you postively, you have to basically be a generically creepy dentist.

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You got ban for what ? Playing off meta heroes ?

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Forum ban, not game ban. I’m also not allowed to discuss what I was banned for, since that is also something that can get you banned.

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You are right. I’m in constant reminder to myself that Internet anonymity is a source for venting, and a lot of people (especially the youth) have little desire for allowing their real life behavior and Internet behavior to be congruent.

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Meh. Stupid forum. I don’t know how a guy like you can get banned.
I mean, I done more dumb thing on these forum than you.

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In QP: “Could we get at least one tank please?”
Answer: “Lol tryhard, only QP”

Sounds good on paper, but it rarely works in online games. I’m talking to people online as I would to them IRL, and more often than not you get filth back. It’s just the nature of how online games have devolved over the years.

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“I might get bullied at school and have no friends because I have a crappy personality, but HERE I HAVE POWER!”

Or my personal favorite: “bruh lmao its jus QP u tryhard im high af rn lamo kys f****t”

These bois be gettin’ creative with it sometimes.

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A very nice post. It gives food for very nice discussions.

“I can’t control how people react” is true only in fringe cases that someone can misunderstand what you said, or get offended for something you couldn’t expect.

Thing is, if you are positive and you behave nicely these cases are less than 0,1%, while If you are just being a douche this goes over 50%. Percentages are made up, but you get the point.

People actively using this excuse are usually people who don’t want to take responsibility for their words and actions.

I can sometimes be foul-mouth in competitive but guess what, If I ever get banned I will accept it because I knew the consequences when i flamed. And the best part is that I never even got a warning, mainly because my outbursts happened rarely. This means that people who got banned didn’t simply “crossed the line once” or “just stated that the comp didn’t work”, they did significantly more.

Control yourself, learn to behave normally (it’s not hard, it can make you feel better about yourself too) and stop using weak excuses. Or simply accept the outcome of your actions. Its up to you.

On a final note, this ain’t that true. This is told in every point of history by the somewhat older generation. Ancient Greeks used to divide their history to generations. The latest (their present) generation was described as the most decadent and morally corrupted, while the older generations were heroes and respected. Sounds familiar?.

The younger generations might have some problems, but this is in tandem with other aspects like economy, global politics etc.

In the long distance, as generations pass, each new generation grows slowly but steadily better than the last. Sometimes a gap might happen, but they get better eventually.

I clearly remember that my older generations were far more socially challenged and less respectful than the current one. The only difference is that internet didn’t exist back then, so it was easier to hide things under the carpet.

Disclaimer: English is not my native language, so some meanings might get lost in translation. Hopefully, i think my main point is clear.

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I hear you, the problem is that the control is quite flimsy and relative.
You can’t stop people from using fallacies like strawmans over and over. Trolls are going to troll no matter what.

Did a thread about 3 of the points more overused in the forums and some people literally came using 1-3 of those points to divert the thread to something else or hardcore strawman the post.

Some people are always trying to ice skate up hill.

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This thread is pure gold. Thank you.

And wellcome back, Catchphrase

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It’s true to some extent though. I’ve had it happen to me multiple times that when I tried to carefully and calmly explain what the problem was, some people simply tend to overreact and take it the wrong way. No matter how calm and collected and non offensive you tried to be, there’s always that odd one out that gets offended for the sake of being offended. That doesn’t just go for games, that can be applied to any kind of social interaction.

Overall though, I do agree with everything that’s been said. Being surprised at someone snapping when they’re met with the same amount of disrespect is kinda ridiculous. Always ends up in an endless spiral of blaming the other party because of how they said something.

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The way I see it is that good communication doesn’t guarantee good communication back.

However, there is no better way to get bad communication from your teammates than be a bad communicator yourself.

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