After months of training, learning, and watching Fuey streams, you think you are ready to play the most skill intensive hero in the game: Torbjorn.
Well no one is truly prepared to master our lord and savior, but I have a guide that’ll enable you to scratch the surface of his complex playstyle.
Step 1. Your Kids
Let’s face it, kids are rotten little monsters who drain you of time, money, and emotion.
However, Toy Barn has gotten around a lot and must suffer the consequences of having more kids than an MTV show character.
The most recognizable child of Torb is his turret named Terry.
Terry needs your love and support in order to function properly.
What’s the best way to give him that?
By smacking him with a hammer until he starts mowing down those annoying weaboos and Brits.
Don’t worry, you will also accompany him with signs of affection like “I’m so proud” and “PROTEK MUH TOORET!”
You also have to babysit your son Bastion, who lives with you in the dumpster.
He enjoys armor packs and being played in apocalyptic Australia.
If he ever starts acting up, just accuse him of throwing.
If he accuses you of throwing, stop giving him armor packs and tell him that hard vark pays off.
I’m pretty sure those are his most important children, so I won’t discuss the other ones… specifically a daughter that has been crippling his friend Reinhardt since she joined.
Step 2. The Memes
Toblerone requires a lot of intellect to play.
What is the best way to gain and prove your intelligence?
By utilizing the full potential of memes.
From now on, I want you to refer to the golden hammer as “The Cheese Hammer” and beat people to death with it.
If you play R6S, you need to drop everything and main Tachanka because you have class.
If you play Fortnite, start off every match by landing in Tilted Towers and taking people out with a gray revolver.
If you play Minecraft, then you need to craft a golden hoe and use it as your primary weapon.
Name it “Your mother” since that is easily the most devastating burn to have ever been created.
You also need an extensive meme collection composed of 420 unfunny jokes and 69 stolen memes.
Finally, you need to watch all of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure and start yelling Engrish at people who will definitely not think you are a crazy person.
ROAD ROLLER DA!
Step 3. Communication
I’m gonna be honest here: You’re teammates do not like it when you play Tolberstone.
That’s only because they’re jealous that they aren’t smart enough to use him.
So, I have created a small list of frequent situations you will run into as well as optimal responses.
“Can you please play a good character?”
-Can you please go downstairs? I think your mom is saying that it’s dinner time.
“Why are you throwing?”
-Well I am throwing these armor packs at people because they need armor. Meanwhile, I am getting four golds and watching your pathetic (butt) get whooped by the enemy Mercy.
“Stop spamming voicelines.”
-UR MAKIN A CHIKEN OUT OF A FEATHA!
“If you don’t switch off Torb, I will report you!”
-Oh please, since when does the reporting system actually work?
All of those responses will end the argument right there and not warrant any further toxicity.
Tl;Dr The Holy Trinity: Torbjorn, Tachanka, and Speedwagon
These threads never get old