“LADIES AND GENTLEBLOKES! BOTS OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES! It is, with great honor that I, everyone’s favorite bombardier, welcome you to this interview where we-”
Hey! That’s my line!
“Now you know how I feel.”
What the hell are you doing?
“Wuh-oh… CHEESE IT, ROADIE! IT’S THE FUZZ!” -ZYOOP!-
It’s crazy how fast a man of that size can run… Anyways, it is I! CurvedMedusa! Here to entertain and inform you with another interview with Overwatch’s vibrant cast! Today, I have a special guest with me today. A mainstay of the franchise, and the lady on the box art, Lena Oxton, otherwise known as Tracer!
“Cheers love, the cavalry’s here! I mean, uh… it’s time to save the world!”
Stick with the original. Your new catchphrase sucks.
“Gotta agree with the random bugger interviewing you, love.”
“Aw, Em. You’re takin’ his side?”
Bugger? … flips through dictionary … Bugger?!
“It might just be nostalgia talking, but “the cavalry”? That’s your thing. And I love it.”
Blegh.
“‘Scuse me? Mind repeating that sound of repulsion?”
“Watch your words, you [twiddly-dum]. Or I’ll have to show you my collections of arms. And yes. I know how to use them.”
GYACK! Sorry! It’s just… the way you stare at each other and the way you talk to each other is so gooey and lovey-dovey. A little too corny and it’s a little embarrassing seeing you act this way in public. To be honest, I’m a little jealous of such a healthy loving relationship. … … … Happy Pride Month by the way!
“Alright, love. I’ll take that as a compliment. Emily didn’t bring any guns with her anyways… I think.”
“Why are you calling that punk, love, love?”
“I call everyone, love, love.”
“Yeah, but I only call you love, love.”
For the love of… You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?
“Maybe, love!”
By the way, since this is supposed to be an interview, might I ask how you two met?
“Oh, it was nothing real special.”
“This cute little volunteer hero just saved my life is all.”
“She contacted me. We had a couple of coffees. Got to know each other a bit.”
“And soon we realized we were both a couple of gems in a world of wankers. And things escalated from there.”
So this was after Overwatch?
“Yeah. If it meant that I got to meet the love of my life, then yeah, I guess I gotta thank Overwatch’s dissolution. But… all I could really do was deal with street thugs and represent the Kingdom when I could when there was so much more that was going on in the world that Overwatch could’ve fixed.”
Before we end up repeating what Winston said last week, why did you decide to stay with Overwatch?
“Well, you know what they say! The world could always use more heroes!”
“You say that. It’s like your substitute catchphrase.”
“I thought ‘It’s time to save the world’ was my substitute catchphrase.”
“Not even in your top ten.”
“Oh, hush you. But… yeah. The world is filled with a lot of nasty people who want the worst or just see the worst in the world. We need some heroes in this world filled jerks to save the day and just lighten the mood. And I’m proud to set an example for the people around me.”
“In short, it feels good to feel good. And Lena is happy to help! One of the big reasons why I love her.”
Oh, that’s sweet.
“Yeh, if it’s sweet then why are sticking out your tongue?” cha-chick
“EMILY! YOU ACTUALLY BROUGHT A GUN!?”
GYAH! Sorry! Force of habit! I just want what you two have… … … … Happy Pride Month!
“That’s two strikes.”
Eh-heh… anyways. You, Winston and Mei acted surprisingly quickly when Null Sector was sighted in Paris. Freakishly quickly even.
“Oh? Yeah, Winston was keeping a close eye on major threats for a while, even before the recall. Kept him from getting bored.”
That doesn’t completely explain how you got there that fast.
“Oh. Yeah, remember the Slipstream?”
The what?
“The experimental fighter jet that was supposed to teleport from place to place? Y’know. The one I was riding when its systems failed miserably?”
Right. Let’s not get into the details of that. There’s already your publicized “origin story” on that matter.
“Well, the folks in Overwatch looked over the blueprints and decided that the world wasn’t ready for that kind of transportation. So instead, they just made the jet, well… my jet really, really fast. Took us about 20 minutes to get to Paris from Gibraltar.”
Damn. That’s fast. I think.
“Excuse me, Mr. CurvedMedusa? I have a couple of freeloaders who were stealing the entire buffet table. How should I deal with them?”
“Oi! Hands off the merchandise!”
It’s crazy how she can carry a 600-pound man like that… Ladies and gentleman, Former Overwatch Acting Commander Vivian ‘Sojourn’ Chase!
“That’s my line…”
Eheheh… as well as Junkrat and Roadhog… again. Keep ‘em here. Show them your Canadian hospitality if they try anything.
“And by Canadian hospitality, you mean the railgun?”
I mean you are from Canada. And you do have a railgun.
“I sure am from Canada and I sure do have a railgun.”
“And I’m from down under, equipped with bombs of my design!”
“I was serious about that butt-kicking thing. These carbon-fiber legs are hard.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll shut my trap. Get it? BAHAH!!!”
Before this scene gets bloody, I hope you don’t mind if I get a little meta. Tracer, you were the face of Overwatch for a good 6 years, and just recently, Sojourn seems to have taken up the role as cover-girl for Overwatch. Any thoughts?
“I really hate the term cover-girl…”
“Wha? Nah, I don’t mind. I was honored to be recognized as such, sure, but I’m proud of Vivian! She’s as much of a hero as I am, if not more, and I’m glad she’s being represented as such!”
“Means a lot for you to say that. Really.”
“Now you’re complimenting Vivian? Why don’t compliment me some, love?”
“Okay, fine, Em. Your hair’s silky smooth, your eyes are deep and I could stare at them for hours, your smile is just… perfect! You are one beautiful woman, and I am so proud that I love you! How’s that, love?”
“I think you’ve filled your Emily compliment quota today, love.”
“Yyyyyuck. Can you believe these ladies act like this in public, Roadie? Makes me sick to my stomach.”
“Pretty sure it’s the lychee in your boba goin’ bad.”
“Strike three! DON’T TALK ABOUT ME, LENA OR OUR RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!!!”
“EMILY NO!”
WAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT! I have a solution for this that doesn’t stain the carpet. Sojourn, if you would?
“What, me? I was enjoying the show. Heheh… yeah. I read you loud and clear.”
“What the? Cheaply made steel chairs? I don’t think Roadhog can handle sitting on this.”
“Shut up.”
“Wait one bloody minute… is this an intervention?”
Mr. Faw-kes, Apparently Junkrat’s last name sounds too much like the f-word for the forums. I find it rather hypocritical that you of all people are criticizing the relationship of an active, healthy couple.
“What the hell are you on about?”
“Oooh! I like this already!”
“She’s not usually this malicious, I swear!”
Junkrat, could you describe your relationship with your partner?
“You mean my partner-in-crime? Why, my buddy Roadhog is always there for me when I’m in a pickle. See… he hooks ‘em and I cooks… ‘em.”
“Don’t know why I stick around…”
“Actually… We had a mutual agreement a while back. He’d be the muscle while I be the intellectuative.”
“HA!”
“Yeah, and what do you want out of this relationship if yours?”
“Money.”/“Money.”
“Well, at least they agree on that. sips Damn, this coffee is good.”
“See, the difference between your relationship and mine is that yours is based merely on physical desires, whilst ours runs much deeper than that.”
“And that makes it much stronger.” smooch
“Looks like you’ve calmed down! Hehe~”
“Stronger? Why… we’re the strongest blokes around! The greatest crime duo the world has ever seen! What makes you think your cheesy relationship is ‘stronger’ than ours.”
“How are you doing moneywise? Is it really making you happy?”
“Why… y’know what? You’re right! Why settle for just tens of millions in stolen loot when we could go for hundreds- no- billions of dollarydoos! Why the hell were we here anyways?”
“You wanted that jumbotron in the main hall.”
“RIIIIIiiight. Wanted to watch myself watching myself! Well, then buddy ol’ pal! Let’s go steal somethin’!”
“Not if I have anything to say about it!”
“And let’s do it fast! Thunder thighs does not look happy! Ta-ta! BWAUGH!”
“Well… that didn’t work the way I thought it’d go, but it got them out of our faces!”
“Yeh, but now Vivian and The Two Ronnies are running around the hall trashing the place.”
Task failed successfully?
“I don’t even know if that’s the right phrase.”
Well, at the very least it saved my bacon from an angry Emily, huh?
“Did you just say…”
What?
“Uh-oh… he said the ‘b-word’….”
What did I- EEP!
“I’LL TEACH YOU NOT TO ASSOCIATE ME WITH ONE-NOTE STEREOTYPES!”
WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN! VIVIAN!
“One sec. I’m calling reinforcements. sip Damn, that’s good.”
ENOUGH WITH BEANSONS! Anyways, if you’ve got something you’d like to ask me or Tracer, feel free to leave something!
“I’m here too!”
Yeah, you can ask Emily something as well, I guess. Otherwise, this is CurvedMedusa signing out! GYAH! NOT THE FACE!