Winston
-Jump Pack resets on kill
-has Wall climb
-Can trigger his ultimate manually by raging into the mic (regardless of ult charge)
Lets be real. More people will be celebrating then Hanzo mains crying 
Omg the last one “Can trigger his ultimate manually by raging into the mic”
I can’t breath
McCree: can only use high noon when it’s high noon on the server.
Winston: can eat a banana healing himself for 150 health which he then throws the peel on the ground. If an enemy walks over it they will be tripped and be stunned for 4s or until they take damage. Cooldown is 12s.
Mercy: replaced her with the Medic from TF2
Ana: she now starts to shake violently due to old age.
Rialto defense, hook payload off the map, emote for the rest of the game.
I’m gonna be “that guy” and laugh at how that change to McCree in the original post doesn’t make a single McCree player any better at what 95% of them do.
Kek. 
Here you go.
General
- Fall damage instituted into the game
??? This isn’t broken at all though, but okay.
I can do it with one change to one hero.
Lucio
- Sonic Amplifier’s mechanics swapped with Soundwave, but the rate of fire and ammo stay the same.
Lucio now fires four Soundwaves from his primary fire and Soundwave now fires a single Sonic Amplifier shot. Have fun not moving ever again.
I had a great time reading this.
Lucio: whenever you boop someone, that person is blasted into the sky then gets sent to the lunar colony map
1 Like
Sombra EMP hacks the payload and the match ends in a draw.
If Hog misses his hook, it travels around the Earth and hooks him in the back.
Swift strike has infinite distance that carries over between matches and sessions. If the Genji player no longer wants to swift strike, they have to buy an alt and start fresh.
[INSERT “Post an actual patch note from the game” JOKE HERE]
2 Likes
Random crits isn’t a change we need. It’s already there with a hero named Hanzo.
As for my balance patch:
Sym:
Give her 500hp with 20 turrets with 100hp to cater forum sym mains.
Widow:
Make scopped shot on 12s cooldown because she does too much damage. Also, every time she scopes in, she receives -100hp penalty gor every crit.
Genji:
Every time Genji gets nano, He dies immidiately due to electricity gained from Nano.
Dva:
Ultimate can blow up entire point if you’re attacking first. Automatic win since enemies can’t attack points anymore.
Bastion:
Has a 2000hp personal shield. Can teleport behind enemy team. Also, tank mode is on E on 6s cooldown.
Phara: phara can now move like a jet while in air. Only way she can be killed if Junk traps her in mid air.
+Everything is now rng based (Not only damage per bullet but also how fast you run, how high you jump, the time it takes to respawn, how fast you capture a point, and how long your abilities cool down)
Dev note: We feel that the gameplay will be more fun if everything is luck based just like a lootbox.
Bastion reverted back to 35% ironclad
It’s a tossup between this
and ironclad meta
I can’t do much worse than that
Hacked Health Packs stay hacked indefinitely.
Landing Sleep Dart makes it skip Cooldown.
Shield Bash both stuns and knocks back the enemy hit.
Chain Hook bypasses Barriers.
Autobalance: if one or more players from the losing team leaves the game, the highest scoring player from the winning team will be swapped over, regardless of time left or any additional factors.
Comment of the year.
2 Likes
Brig reverted to release state
Orisa
Her back now acts as a platforn for friendly players/player objects. Have a Bastion or varrious turrets loaded on her back to amplify her offensive capabilities.
Roadhog
His body has actual blocking volumes. Allies can hide behind him while he uses his breather to avoid D.va bombs.
Wrecking Ball
Can retract and extend his tether range when hooked for more control.
Mines can now be pushed around by WB to create unique setups.
Sombra
Hacked Health packs no longer display icons. Enemies that attempt to use hacked health packes are damaged by the health pack amount instead of healed.
Symmetra
Any damage Symmetra does will trap an enemy in a 10 HP barrier for 1 second per instance of damage; preventing them from counter attacking and recieving outside healing provided said abilities cannot naturally penetrate barriers. They can still move.
Bastion
Tank leg base is now integrated to his turret form.
Baptiste
Healing Grenade now heal him too.
Moira
Any damage Moira does with Orb and Beam will block healing on their targets.
Brigitte
Whipshot penetrates barriers, repair pack always grants 75 armor while healing target and procs Inspire, Shield Bashing has deflecting properties and Rally will grant Brigitte and her allies CC immunity while they stand in the AoE.