Top 10 Joke Patch Notes July 2024

PC General Discussion
1

Yes Its about time I give this another go and put in some laughter into your summer.

The patch notes are FAKE but the laughs are REAL!

1] Fixed an issue where Sorcs named Barb would cause the towns people to laugh at you.

2] Fixed an issue where Rogues that hit from behind would always roll a 1 on D20 for crit damage multiplier.

3] Fixed an issue where sorcerers with no enchants dint notice.

4] Barbarian is now a prestige class. You have to sacrifice a level 100 character to make a level 1 prestige class. Sorcerer is now an Expert difficulty class. Expert difficulty classes require you to delete your forum account.

5] Tempering weights are no longer affected by character weights.

6] Fixed an issue where an angel would get his wings when a sorcerer character was deleted. (ITs a wonderful sorc life!)

7] Fixed an issue where masterworking crits had less of a chance to roll on affixes your eyes were fixated on.

8] Druids will no longer load the staches of other druids. We are talking Moustaches here!

9] Fixed an issue where pet cats would ignore you and sleep for 90% of the day.

10] Necromancers now have a timer in options. This timer will make an alarm type sound in case you fell asleep.

Hope at least one half a person laughed as the list seems decent to me.

Big props to devs for pets. I am loving the pets! :cat: :dog2:

Please add your favorite made up joke patch note as well!

Also lets discuss your number 1 thing you want added in the next patch! My pick is armory.

:heart:

9 Likes
2

3 Likes
3

Based on what Brent said, it’s a long ways out unfortunately.

4

Is that how Steve C laughs?

1 Like
5

and are corrected to be inversely proportional to player weights. :rofl:

6

11] Sorcs complained about having to include so many defensive spells in every build, so flame shield and ice armor have been removed to increase build diversity.

1 Like
7

Thx for this but this is How I would have done it.

11] Sorcs complained about having to include so many defensive spells in every build, so flame shield and ice armor have been recategorized as Mandatory skills to increase build diversity.

2 Likes
8

1] Barbarian: Rupture Tooltip was updated to show the amount it Heals enemies.
2] Barbarian: Key Passive Gushing Wounds - Overpowering a Bleeding Enemy now has a 30 second cooldown.
3] Barbarian: Basic Skills are now Core Skills, because, why not at this point. Oh yeah, we buffed Bash and Flay also just because you know, it needed it so badly.
4] Raised the Gold cap to 999,999,999,999,999,999 because players are going to bot, dupe and exploit anyways.
5] Increased the leveling speed. Killing any enemy will grant you level 100 immediately.
6] We heard your dislike of the Durability system for Tempering so now you can only Temper an item once.
7] Players looking for a loot filter will rejoice that we have reduced the amount of loot that drops again so you can spend more time farming and less time comparing gear.
8] Based on player feedback on Unique items being underwhelming, we have now made them mandatory to promote build diversity and player choice.
9] 50 new Aspects were added, but you still have the same amount of item slots.
10] Life on Hit and Life per Second was not dropping often enough. Now all items will drop with these as a Greater Affix, not just 90% of items.

6 Likes
10

37] Fixed an issue that allowed sorcerers to participate in endgame content.

1 Like
11

How many of your posts do you want flagged and deleted by Blizzard before you get the picture

1 Like
12

So funny Bro!.. :smile:

  • Sorc is crying and confused why her core skill is weaker than basic skill, did she practice wrongly? She needs to ask her master again.
  • Sorc told herself that she needed to play more hide and seek to be able to apply it to the battle while Flame Shield was on cooldown.
  • Necro will become a waiter with Server skill and he gradually forgets his ability to play with shadows.
  • Barb is sobbing and blaming himself for only having 2 hands while they gave him 4 weapons.
  • Rogue is leaning against a tree and smirking: “No matter what they give me, as long as I have Andariel’s Visage on my head, I feel happy”.
  • Why did everyone get off their horses when I approached to say “hello” on a leopard…
13

Why do you hate fun?

2 Likes
14

mmm never thought of that. eyeware or tobii etc.
I always thought it just read out minds directly(mainly in D2 for example - “…need a vex…need a vex…need a vex” and the game was all PFFT! w/e nub.

p.s. Ignore the clown who has either 1. Just learned how to post images or 2. just realized the flags/timeout/permissions reinstatement elapsed(refer to #1 because they never really did prior) and are currently spamming the forum with images…like a child Par for personality course.

15

personally - I think this a great idea in general - prestige after lvl 100, reset and start again, but with all your current gear, but no skills or paragon, need to to regain those

16

Disney wants its weapon back.

17

Uh wait…not sure if THIS was fixed!.. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

18

to balance the game, all the demons have been nerf’d 89% all hps and stats and loot has been buffed to 1001 base level.

special today only (due to that other game allowing players to play paladin now starting today)…
All treasure goblins now have a chance to drop coupons for the ingame store to reward a free skin (50% rate) or unlock the hidden surprise class (paladin) .001% chance to drop.

19

11 Fixed an issue where monsters would surrender to characters named Barb

12 Gold will no longer rarely knockdown mounts. It will happen commonly. Pick up dat gold.

20

God I hope your ban again for longer period this time so these dumb posts stop

21

Just don’t read them. It’s one thread in a sea of hits and misses. There are so many posts ABOUT gameplay that are much more pointless than this. Get a therapist, dude.

3 Likes