You divorce the player above you

Kept skipping leg day at the gym.

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Kept skipping vowels on new name day

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Having failed repeatedly in my quest for love, I decided to try for a big divorce settlement.

I seriously underestimated the expertise of Palatinaā€™s lawyers. I now owe her all my gold, my firstborn child, and a kidney.

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It was love alright. She just forgot to mention she had a child.

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The romance was fine, but the house just wasnā€™t big enough for all his demons, and my ghouls, and the stable wasnā€™t big enough for the class mounts. It was just easier to get the divorce then to get a new place.

A vision from the Light and Void has led me to this moment. From the moment I saw him I knew what was needed to be done and how. What remained of his family and associate connections was scant but serviceable and more importantly, useful. His constant need to be accompanied by his ghouls was not surprising. I had already foreseen it all and made the necessary fortifications and preparations accommodate all. By the time he wished for divorce, I had already both filed for him and gained what I wanted from his connections and his records. I allowed him to keep the small house for his ghouls as a parting gift. All played out according to the vision.

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He always kept talking about his ā€œgrand vision.ā€

He never once considered that maybe I was chosen for something too!

Him, him, him!

In the end, between the two of us it was like the highlander.

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Chosen was fun for awhile. Then it became all about her. Her money her divorce her toaster. So I threw Berusein at her.

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Palatina was useful for my plans. Her near lunacy proved advantageous in winning her over. I had already foreseen all of her possible questions and the her reactions to the correct answers. While I question why my visions led me to her, I quickly found out why. She may be a serial marriage to divorcing woman, but she had access to ludicrous funds and resources. Over time I acquired what I needed from her and her connections before the envisioned day of her interest running out.

Her lawyers were crafty but against someone that already foreseen them, they were mere obstacles and formalities. Every trick and maneuver they attempted were blocked and fortified against. I took half of her resources for myself and continued on my way. I doubt she missed me, she had no interest in intimacy, only prestige.

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Mailed him the divorce papers before they even met. She figures he saw it coming. Also the toaster was creeped out by him and he couldnā€™t hold his liquor like Captain.

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I learned she was fond of sending letters as a means of communication. She sent me a John Deer letter with some such about me not being a good listener, how itā€™s all over, I donā€™t know, wasnā€™t really paying attention.

Next thing I know she starts talking about a toaster. So I assume sheā€™s referencing this one:

When I learn she has no idea what that is, Iā€™m out.

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I didnā€™t know who some child toaster was.

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Would not let me convert him to undead.

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Indeed, undead Indead felt so forsaken that I decided to meet him halfway and left him for dead. So sad as i think he would have made a great dad for the child Nā€™zoth toaster. /sigh

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So we decided to both take care of the little Child Nā€™zoth toaster. Went to parenting school and everything. Was definately an interesting few days as every now and then the I would have to battle it out with the Elder Nā€™zoth toaster for rights to raise the child version.

We took the little thing to its first concert.

Those were some good times. Not sure whats going on with the clerks office because they are yelling at us to stop sending them divorce papers. think they got them confused with adoption papers. or did we confuse that?

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Honey weā€™re homeā€¦

https://d1ejxu6vysztl5.cloudfront.net/comics/garfield/2003/2003-10-28.gif

I am expecting the divorce papers in the mailā€¦

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I was sitting in the inn enjoying an ale and some beef stew when Izzabelle came running in clutching a toaster under her arm. She was covered with mysterious toast shaped bruises and her hair was full of pieces of incinerated bagels. I helped her get cleaned up and bandaged and she threw some divorce papers at me as she grabbed the toaster and ran back out.

I finished my stew and ordered another ale. Just another day in Azeroth.

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6 nipples. Couldnā€™t get past thatā€¦

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Couldnā€™t explain why butā€¦his presence infuriates me. Even my helm was infuriated.

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It was weird that she always kept her helm near but her heroic leap into bed was amazing. Even loved her passionate fury but the fast part was likeā€¦ 45 seconds? Really? She was gone before I could even figure out how badly damaged the bed was and Iā€™m still all wound up. Ugh 45 seconds. Seriously, my next spouse is going to get a /highfive from Bwonsamdi by the time weā€™re finished. /sigh

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