You divorce the player above you (Part 1)

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4803

Missed Penumbrae

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4804

My cousin the private detective showed me pictures of her canoodling with Penumbrae.

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4805

Her cousin, the private detective, kept following me around. I thought he was an assassin and sicc’d my hobos on him. The goblin lawyers attempted to sue me for the funeral, but when I put up Alandis as my alibi, well…that’s when things completely sunk.

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4806

So I hadn’t seen Karaatu since we got run out of Dalaran. I am so tired of being chased by angry mobs! If two consenting adults choose to beat each other senseless for booze money, why should that choice be taken away from them? We’re job creators for goodness sake.

Anyway I had sneaked us back into the sewers and we had some moonshine and had some fun. It didn’t last, it never does, but it was a good time all the same.

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4807

I drank all of her moonshine and got her name wrong. I woke up hungover in an empty moonshine barrel going over a waterfall.

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4808

Let’s not pretend this isn’t a normal Saturday night for you.

How many times did I have to go pick you up after some cadets found you half dead under the waterfall in Northshire?

No wonder Stinky hates water so much.

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4809

Found her over a barrel supposedly giving Qamaits mouth to mouth resuscitation. While the um… view was pleasing I was very disappointed we didn’t even make it to the perfunctory honeymoon, which in Sixenn’s case is giving what’s left of her lawyers a financial statement. So, feeling down, decided to join the usual tavern gang to see what all the fuss in the Dal sewers was all about. /sigh

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4810

I thought we were getting along very well but it turned out that they were just… trolling… me. I then embarked on a epic crusade of terrible puns until they gave me the boot.

Seriously that was all I got out of it… one boot!

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4811

Only one laugh out of her. Seriously? I started calling her YamaHA! and whoa, that powered a lot of anger. She left on her motorcycle she called the Yamato wearing her finest Yamaguchi shoes. hear Bugs Bunny saying, “This means war.” /sigh

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4812

She seemed to enjoy her time with us in the Dalaran sewers, helping with the moonshine business and collecting the bets for the hobo fights. But my obsession with catching the rumored giant sewer rat interfered with our relationship.

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4813

I told her that rat was a trap! Something about the way the thing walked on two legs just seemed odd to me every time we caught a glimpse of it. Now here we are, tied up behind some secret door, while some Van Cleef girl is monologueing at us. I’m not even paying attention to what she has to say right now. I’m far more interested in why she hasn’t taken off her rat suit yet.

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4814

Because the rat suit is soft and it’s cold in the sewer.

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4815

I didn’t believe them they talked about the rat suit and then it became worse when she revealed a alligator-rat hybrid suit.

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4816

I call it the ratagator.

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4817

Haven’t I divorced you before?

STOP SNEAKING BACK INTO MY HOUSE!

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4818

Actually, you have not. Welcome to divorce number one. Ze goblins have it down to a relatively painless science now.

As for sneaking into the house? Well, how hard could it be? It’s just four sticks and a tarp. I own the tarp now. Thanks boys. Nods at goblins

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4819

Were like drugs to one another no matter how it ends we just keep going back to each other. This time we broke it off because she objected to me wanting to name the road the Glory Road.

She doesn’t get my dark humor.

4820

I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. Every time I get with Gornur I end up getting burned, literally. I’m not sure what I was expecting but after once again suffering second degree burns because I didn’t laugh at one of his jokes. I’m back in the Dalaran burn unit looking for a good lawyer.

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4821

She contacted my uncle at the law firm regarding a possible personal injury suit against Gornur. He didn’t take the case though since Gornur has no assets to speak of and is what we call ‘judgement proof’. We did offer my cousin’s ‘disposal’ services which she couldn’t normally afford, but he’s training his son to take over the business some day. But she declined. Silly girl.

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4822

Gets down on my knees and begins separating our Funko Pops into two piles in the courtoom.

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