so when I got the bonfires going for to roast some pork, she screamed ''NO NO; NOT THE STAPLES! and then ran out the door shrieking.
Sensitive little thing; who would’ve guessed she didn’t like ham or bacon?
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She was really into this whole Viking thing.
Quaffing ale out of the skulls of your enemies is not nearly as much fun as she made it out to be.
Eating the skulls of my enemies has never exactly been one of my favorite activities. Also, marrow has never sounded too appetizing, so chewing on bones never grew on me either.
I had learned my lesson after my last go round with Palatina and I made sure I had my team of lawyers lined up beforehand.
The marriage was fun. But the divorce proceedings were epic. Our legal teams battled (sometimes literally) for months. I hear there is a movie script in the works.
Eventually we both got bored with it, and she was eager to move on to her next
victim spouse. We met over a bottle of wine and called it a draw.
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She once claimed romance. I liked that.
Then she showed up with a full buffet of lawyers…she practically was waiting for the divorce since the beggining…
He was scared of Lawyers…my brother’s a lawyer!!
nOT ENOUGH TENTACLES.
He was waaaay too into tentacles.
Turns out he was trying to figure out what the tentacles were for and why his ex was into them so much, complete deal breaker when im basically a walking research project to them.
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Completely forgot our native language. I couldn’t afford to, nor did I want to, get him language training.
When she complained that others weren’t up to being fluent in their native tongues I didn’t realize she meant language. Was very disappointed. /sigh
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Had issues with my tongue being a bit too native.
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Can’t help it. I know it’s coming. I have the knowledge. I prepare my mind. I gather the strength. I meditate. I convince myself I’m ready…
But then the time comes and I simply cannot deal with those toes.
Way too broke for my interests, and shallow to boot.
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I was tired of being single. I wandered into the Wayfarer’s Rest. There I saw my ex, Palatina. She was sitting there drinking a strawberry daiquiri and scoping the tavern for a friendly face. (um, rich spouses)
I offered to buy her a second round and we got to talking about old times, we talked about out past marriage, and carefully scooted around the toaster conversation.
We were both very drunk, and did a bit of bar hopping.
Somehow we ended up in Dalaren. We also ended up married to each other, again.
We had a blast for about a week, but then she spied more available people (um, people with money, as I am good for fun, but usually broke.) She divorced me to go try and marry someone else.
I am alone again. Looking for my next victim spouse
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Looked up from a stupor and saw or, more properly, felt Malochai leaning against me. I thought he was drunk but he had been cleaned out by Palatina and couldn’t support himself. I shoved his shoulder and said “It was a bear?” “In a hat! With a toaster!” He frowned, looked at me and asked, “With a toaster?” I giggled. “While she was having her lawyers looking at my financial statements I slipped it into her backpack.” Malochai’s eyes opened wide and he hugged me as he laughed. “This divorce is on me! Ummm… can you loan me a few gold?”
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I walk into the room
“Don’t worry I got you covered Malochai.” As I give 10k gold to him to live off of for a while… “by the way Penumbrae our divorce got declined again.”
“Why did you bother it?” she asks “we agreed we are not going to do it.”
“At this point its kind of a game with the clerks office. If they give in, I win.” I place a bottle of whiskey and 3 glasses on the table and poor all of us a drink. “So…should we bother to do anything about that toaster anymore or just let it rampage at Palatinas house?”
We 3 hear thunderous explosions and roars in the distance.
“That thing seems extra spunky today.” while I down my first glass of the evening.
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Sips a fine 100 year old port and smiles in a rather un-priestly way at the sounds of the explosion. “Ah, little junior is such a quick learner.”
Berusein laughs and says “Why don’t we give the clerks a day off?”
I sit back and say, “Since you are a monk, here is an old Zen koan for you. What is the sound of one hand clapping?”
He frowns and shrugs. “I don’t know.”
There is a light in her eyes that would intimidate the crew of the Vindicaar. “Tonight isn’t the night you are going to find that answer.” She giggles and finds him nearly choking on his last sip is endearing.
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After several failed dinner parties, I absolutely lost it when she did her whole “interrupting zen cow” knock knock jok–
MU!
Wine ended up all over the table.
Maybe it was just a bad year…
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Too much screams. Too much spilling. And she wanted me to listen to the sound of my name as she slammed the door on her way out. Someday I may even hear news of her return.