Alright boys so im just going to say this now, this took me 4 hours to type last time and it was removed in 3 days… so get your screen caps now if you want them, because this is the last time its going to get typed up by me.
Ooo… OwO, so why do they call youwu Pistolhead? Because im not like those beta edgelords with cuckold horns on their head! He said, scowling and pointing at the large red fleshy pistol protruding from his forehead. Oh… ohwo… so can you showot it owo? No that would probably hurt, but if i could i would shoot a bullet with nuclear blades and enough gunpowder to black out the sun! B… but the sun is so tiny… look… Ow-wo! My eyes QwQ. But it is not the sun im aiming at, now come my little owo as we journey to the Edge! W… Wherewo is that? A… an where are we… owo? We are on the edge of Silithus, of course, also known as the Land of the Great Edge. Furthermore, The Edge isnt just a place, its and idea. And unlike those other simplords, we arnt going to just bring people to the edge, we are going to bring The Edge to the people.
Meanwhile… somewhere far from The Edge:
I told you if an edgelord and an owo ever got together it would be the end of us all! So just what are we going to do about this? Fear not! For there is far more in The Center then there is at The Edge, and as High Centralist of The Church of the Center i shall see to it that this is dealt with.
There it is, the owo capital of the world, Elwynn Forest, Pistolhead proclaimed standing atop one of the nearby hills looking through a pair of engineering goggles he DIDNT have the requirement for and the pistol on his head adorned with a scope. This shouldnt be difficult, he asured himself, before walking into a room full of OwOs. He clapped his hands together emitting a loud sound horrifying all the OwOs into silence. Hello! I am prophet Pistolhead! …there was silence… OWO! He shouted. … a lone owo, owos in response from the back. And i have come to guide you all home! OWO! b… but dey don wan us… n - e …more, boo-hoowo! Another one responded Boo-hoowo QQwO. This is not true! You where created in The Center! And you belong in The Center! …OWO! OwO… we just wantto be in The Center…toowo! Ewo, his owo companion added before the sound of a large crash outside, startling the OwOs once again. They hurried outside only to be met by a loud bellowing: IF ITS INVINCIBLE THEN WHY CAN I SEE IT! Quickly, Ewo, take the rest of the owos to the west ill deal with this and meet back up with you. THE ONLY REASON YOU PLAY REEE-TAIL IS BECAUSE CLASSIC IS TOO HARD!!! Pistolhead with his resolve strengthened by his anger pressed Z unsheathing his mouse in his main hand and his keyboard in his offhand. I have no words for the banished. And with that, he reported his foe for not role-playing properly, and he was banned on the spot. But not without Pistolhead noticing him wearing a tabard with a large white center surrounded by a black edge. Since when where trolls allowed back into The Center? He thought to himself before heading west to meet up with the owos.
Meanwhile… somewhere far from The Edge:
I guess we should have sent more then one troll, High Centralist. I did not send only one troll to defeat him, but to remind him of whos attention he has. Of course, High Centralist.
Arriving at the edge of Westfall only to find no owos an angered Pistolhead furiously contacts Ewo with a communication crystal… Ewo answers… Where are you?! Where are all the owos?! I… I took dem to da west. It doesnt look like you took them to the west, because im pretty west right now and i dont see a single one of you! O… Ooh… i took dem… to da west… of dem… an here day r… Ewo pans the crystals view over to the rest of the owos all hanging out in The Valley of the Four Winds. An owo can be heared in the background owo… owo… prophet Pistolhead is gon take us home… owo? I… isnt dat waht youwu told me to dowo? I… no… no, you’re right, that is what i said, ill be there swiftly. He ended their conversation before angrily casting his hearthstone to Dalaran, too angry to even begin fathoming what level of owo-sorcery must have happened to even cause this effect. As Pistolhead rockets through the skies on the edge of his flying mount the ElitePro Gamer Chair: Edge3x, Ewo seems to be gaining the same negative attention from the other owos that got them exiled so close to The Edge to begin with. Unlike the other owos who had practical magic Ewo could only cast magic that made the other owos not owos anymore leading to the harshest penalty an owo can face… being remowoved. As all five weels of his mount landed on the ground Pistolhead noticed a group of other owos tormenting Ewo, trying to fix their condition. Hey! He snapped his fingers summoning an infernal and startling all the owos. Get away from that owo! That ones mine! He approached Ewo and scowled down. I… don feel so… goowo. He pulled out a shard with someones soul inside before shaping it into a cookie and handing it to Ewo. Then turning to face the crowd. Alright! So there are alot more of you then i expected so im going to have to make a few deals to get everybody, you should be fine to stay here until my return considering whats after us is most likely after me and not you. Also, until i get back the infernals in charge. W… Wait! We don wan to be wiff da Goldshire OwOs… a, an… their owogies. If all theyre doing is promoting the creation of more owos, then what exactly do you have a problem with? I… I dint think about dat… owo. Alright then, so ill be back and you all are to stay here, he said while scooping Ewo up and putting them into an owo-sized bag and draping it over the back of his mount before taking off.
Meanwhile… somewhere far from The Edge:
It would appear as if he is headed back to the Goblin Mafia to strike another deal High Centralist. It would appear as if you where right, but it would be a shame if some one made a deal before he did.
After hearing a zip from the inside, Pistolhead sighed. S… so whas da Mobblin Gafia do? Well, they use to just gamble but after being kicked out of The Center, now they farm as much gold as they can to buy as many of the Horde auctions as possible, then after transferring them through the neutral auction house, sell them to the Alliance, adding more gold to the problem. Eventually leading to there being nothing for the Horde to buy on the auction house, so they think the servers dead, then they quit, and then the server dies. O…wowo… s… so y do youo helps them? Because if i can return whats theirs then they shouldnt have a reason to do it, and iv known their Mafiano since he was in The Center before he formed his mafia, and i was there to welcome them when they where exiled to The Edge. As the five prongs at the bottom of his chair, helicoptering around came to a slowing stop, he landed on a pad he had custom made for him. Ah, iv been expecting you, the Mafiano greeted with his entourage. So! Have you come to alter the deal further? Heh-heh! Iv come to make a new deal entirely, as i need more then a few ships. i need your full support. My full support?! And how much are you willing to pay for that? Im willing to give back everything thats been taken from you. The Mafianos grin drooped. I cant forgive that church, not after what they did to my casino. Then join me, and bear witness to the dawn of a new Center. The Mafiano looked at Pistolhead and then over the water. There hasnt been a new Center in a long time. What makes you think youre going to make that happen, even you? The Center has been sending me the wrong things for far too long now, and a reordering is at hand. A reordering?! The Mafiano questioned while contemplating the events of what just happened before Pistolheads arrival saying, follow me, i have something i want to show you, before walking into a dark room, and turning on the lights. Apon entering, Pistolhead saw a messenger of The Center tied to a chair with a gag that was being removed. The Center has eyes everywhere! And it has been watching you for a long time now! The messenger shrieked. Pistolhead glared back at him for an uncomfortable moment. And its time i stopped being watched and started being seen. Pistolhead replied before siphoning the messengers soul into a shard. So what will it be Mafiano? Id like to see what The Center has been sending you.
Meanwhile… in The Valley of the Four Winds:
A pandaran woman notices the large number of owos gathered around and decides to let curiosity take the better of her and find out whats going on. What are all you owos doing out here all by yourselves? She asked sweetly. W…we’re way-ting on p…prophet pistolhead… owo! P… prophet Pistolhead gon take us… howome… owo. A few more owos owod off. Hmmm, now why would a prophet have a pistol on his head? Or is his whole head a pistol? Hmmm, Oh well i shall report this to the Body of Fur, im sure the Mane Council will want to hear of this. She thought to herself before addressing the owos. So, would any of you owos like to come back to our farm for some yummy snacks while you wait? Its just over there she said, smiling and pointing behind her at a house on the other side of a large field with plenty of food and space for the owos to roam in.
Meanwhile at The Church of the Center headquarters, Stormwind Cathedral:
I cant believe that gobblin didnt take the last opportunity ill give him for his life! What of our messenger General Privet? We where able to recover his body but his soul is missing. What do you mean missing? I mean we checked outside his body, we checked inside his body… we checked above his body… its gone. Did you check the graveyard? I mean… no… it was kinda far… but dont you think he would have came back by now? The Interiors anger would have boiled to its limit had it not been cut short of the over speaking of the High Centralist. Thank you for your information General Privet. Interior, contact Middlemost of the Goldshire Paladins over the intermediary. Yes, High Centralist. The Interior replied before conjuring an illuminating portal revealing plumes of purple and green smoke. High-? High Centralist? Is that you? Give me just a minute, im heading for the exit now. He shouted over the commotion. Just a moment… i have a rope! …aw come on guys! With pleasure a patron shouted back. Who cut the rope? How are we suppose to get out of here with no rope?! Listen, Middlemost it is i, your High Centralist, i need you and your paladins for an important mission. But, High Centralist, if we dont cover up their nakedness… then theyll be naked! And if we dont act now then we’ll all be naked. Middlemost, i need you to rally our forces, gather the Medial of Westfall, the Internals of Duskwood, and the Equidistant of Redridge. If this self-proclaiming Lord of The Edge wants to bring this world into war, then i will show him how its crafted! Understood, High Centralist. And with that the portal dissipated. As for you Interior, go get Centermost, and bring it to me. Yes, High Centralist.
Apon returning, Pistolhead, standing on the edge of his flagship, Teeth to Die, Looked over the valley to see his infernal completely owoified before de-spawning, and the owos taking a little snowose at the nearby farm before summoning a demonic gateway that took him and Ewo to the ground. So what do you think your doing with my owos? The pandaran womans ears began to slowly lower in his dominating presence as she held her silence. Well… well… well, if it isnt Pistolhead the warlock, the lord of the edge himself. Your a wanted man, Pistolhead. Wanted for spreading the yiff, wanted for taking furry souls and putting them into real animals, and if i had to guess whos responsible for bald furries, it would probably be you. Arrest him! The worgen male shouted to his guards! But before they could Pistolhead pulled out his hound masters whistle and blew it with such force that it caused the guards and their alpha to collapse, and reminded the owos that the loud one was back. I only acted upon request. But im glad you stumbled upon my owos because i was coming for you next. Now tell me where your Mane Council is at as it is them i wish to speak with. And why would i tell you that? He snarled back. Zap him Ewo. B… but i owonly have uwugly magic… owo. Then zap him with the uwugly magic. Ewo assumed the position, as they all do before casting magic and let lowose. OWOOO!!! As whimsical owo magic tantalizingly draped over the would-be ambush, their eyes widened in horror before letting out uncontrollable howels, OoooWoooO.
The Council sat pretty around a large hair of the first fursona. But one of them was not sitting pretty, in fact she was not sitting at all. But standing! Can you believe who that church just let back into The Center? Hunteddowns! How does he even have a name like that?! Let alone get into the Center with it! And he wasnt just let back in, another one snarled with dis-contempt, he is leading part of their pack now too. That danm church has been nothing but a problem since they deemed anything with fur unclean, and they went to far when they announced that anything with a cloven foot had a right to be eaten! Furrious exclaimed with his raspy worgen throat, standing in outrage. A male night elf chimed in, they cut out trees… into little pieces… and then they set them on fire! …how could you just burn wood like that? When suddenly the large hair in the center erupted with green fire and a loud shout, there you are! The hair of the first, the woman shouted! What are you doing?! What? I know you have more, the flame answered. The hair of the first is sacred! She replied. If its sacred then it shouldnt be this flammable, you know this is just dead cells right? The sheer amount of ignorance of her beliefs left her silent. There is only one man with this amount of arrogance, said Lionon, leader of the Council. Its not arrogance, its ambition. Now what exactly are you doing Lionon? Lionon the furniture? Lionon the floor? Lionon the piece of paper where you left a paw print instead of your signature? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Lionons rage began to grow to such a level he had to move it to a file in his brain labeled Pistolhead, before resuming conscious thought. I have a lot more problems now then i once did and i dont need any more. How many problems do you think there can be before one consumes the rest in the struggle for power? Pistolhead asked. What are you saying, Lionon asked back. That you should be a part of that problem and not the rest of them. When just then there was an audible owoops! Followed by an explosion in the background that cought Pistolheads attention. Hey! You owos need to be more careful! If that was my staff we’d all be dead right now! s… sor… owo! Lionon turned away from the flame and the rest of the council to produce a heart shaped locket of silver and gold and gazed into it upon opening before taking a great breath and releasing it slowly. As the rest of the council listened to Pistolhead shout at the owos in the background, a single tear fell when he pronounced to himself softly, my liowoness. You can meet us at Booty Bay, or you can hide with your tail between your legs Lionon, the choice is yours. And the fire went out. Being of great emotion he needed a moment before he could speak, but then said, Shiftnlift, send word to the Grand Marshal and Treesfodays get the druids and tell them that war is upon us.
As the line of communication ended, the Mafiano asked Pistolhead, so what are you actually going to do with all these owos? You know about the mother of all bombs, the MOAB? Yes, the Mafiano replied. Well, thenk of them as the mother of all nuwuks, he answered as he watched a group of unusually large adventurers walking towards Booty Bay through his goggles. You think its the church? The Mafiano asked after looking at what Pistolhead was watching. I dont see any of their symbols but we are about to find out, he said as he teleported to his demonic circle in the Jaws of Booty Bay. What are you doing here? He adressed the crowd before they came to a slow stop and a lone smiling draenie female decorated head to hoof in plate questing greens emerged to answer. We’re looking for raiders! What are you doing here? He asked again. The draenies smile faded as she looked north, and then back at Pistolhead, then said, well… it was either Booty Bay… or Eversong Woods… and Booty Bay was closer… sooo, here we are. Well, you cant go to Booty Bay right now, he replied. So what are you suggesting? that we go all the way to Eversong Woods? Do you know how long that would take? Due to the insane price The Center charges for repairs now, many of us dont even have mounts yet, and even though some do, we travel together and we die together. If we arnt all in once boss fights amount of space at the same time, then we arnt looking for raiders, we’re looking for failures. Pistolhead took a moment to drink that in before saying, well i think we can both agree that if you had to either be at Booty Bay or Eversong Woods then that would be so horrible that something should be dont about that. So what should we do about that? She asked. We should look for a raid, he finished.
Meanwhile, somewhere not to far from an ever-encroaching Edge:
We’ve trimmed the fat High Centralist, we have mythic raiders in our ranks and they are being paid well by the union of auction house kingpins. Good, the High Centralist replied, before walking out in front of the people. “Oh ye people of faith” as the scripture once said. I the High Centralist have gathered you all today to inform you of the opportunity to bear witness to another one of our tremendous victories. To the south lies a group of would-be nobodies who wish to attack The Center itself, but worry not and sleep well with the knowledge that The Center will always be, where it has always been. And as always, if you would like to make a donation to contribute to the deterrence of coming here, there will be a hat going around.
Darkness settled on the water as the Mafiano spoke, So i guess tomorrows the big day, go big or go home right? Go big… go home… as long as you go somewhere, Pistolhead said as he watched the water darken. Where im gunna go- is get my lucky shredder before the slots come up tripple axe of the deep woods, you know what im saying? Never invest in an axe of the deep woods! He proclaimed as a flock of ravens descended upon the flagship. The first among them to arrive shape-shifting back into his lion fursona as the rest remained in raven form. He looked at all the owos begining to glowo with light so they dont get too scared in the darkness. The Grand Marshal and his guild said they’ll gladly attend, and the druids said they’ll do what they can, lionon said softly as to not disturb the owos. Then tonight we plan, and tomorrow we strike, Pistolhead siad to Lionon turning to face him with a familiar looking staff with an ominous black glow at the top in his hand, his Corrupted Atiesh.
The dawn came and the dawn left and it was now mid day and the clouds drifted innocently in a blue sky. Why didnt they strike at dawn? Isnt that when your suppose to strike? At dawn? Middlemost said over his com, surrounded bu his Goldshire Paladins, that where surrounded bu mythic raiders all on the bridge to Stormwind. I guess they’re… tardy… heh-heh, said Hunteddowns sitting on a throne of slain furries that sat on the bride between Westfall and Elwynn, surrounded by his hunter-exclusive guild the . Middlemost piped up again, well if he is trying my patients, its working. And just then, like the first shot fired, a single drop of rain fell on Middlemosts cheek from an otherwise perfect day, and there was a soft distant rumble of thunder.
As a large number of druids unstealthed from the Westfall side of the bridge where they had been watching Hunteddowns since he showed up there to place his throne, and shape-shifted into their fursonas that had not been crafted for love, but for war! I think theyre here guys, Hunteddowns said into his com as he stood drom his throne and his first battalion removed their camouflage. Then summoned his pets two large wolves whom he named Special and Edward to provoke them further. Rain began to fall into a sprinkle upon the battlefield as the pvp-tryhards began one after the next spawning in on the same location like a series of rogues reverse-vanishing outside the Stormwind Gate until finally the Grand Marshal himself spawned in and after being labeled a pvp-casual for not selling raid clears for gold he didnt just have The Edge, he held The Whole Axe to Grind. And there he was, on the edge of his flagship, on a path aiming inbetween both conflicts and straight for the center surrounded by fully transmogged owos with their battle pets out. When a lone raven aproached him with his wireless headset. As he took the headset and fastened it to his head with a chinstrap he asked, have i been unbanned from Discord? Yes, she replied as she flew off. and with that, he flicked his mic down initiating the ready check, instant green. And he began this Mortal Kombat theme across the entire battlefield sending everyone into a frenzy. [llllllllllllllllllllll]
Lionon shouted his name before transforming into a lion and leading the charge into firing range of the first battalion. The PvP-Tryhards and the mythic raiders clashed like two football teams after the balls been displaced. And as Pistolheads fleet flew towards Stormwind some of the owos began slowfalling down from the flagship to showo their suwuport while some of his ships landed releasing the Looking for Raiders into the fray.
Pistolhead spoke to Ewo, your time is at hand my owo, go now! And Ewo lept from the edge of the flagship without slowfall and stood before the spirit healer upon impact. A group of Internals manned a catapult they had constructed, but they didnt just man it with any man, they manned it with Jobmandone, the doer of man-jobs. As they let loose propelling Jobmandone through the air over Pistolheads flagship, clearly missing, he landed on the Mafianos ship instead. With the grace that could only be described as a nat 20 before loudly boasting, i am the man for the job! Then the doors to the large cabbin on the ship exploded open. Well welcome to the shed, son! Let me show you some of my powertools! He then cackled into madness as his chainsaw lit up with fire and lightning crackled from his drill. The furries bit and tore at the hunters but Lionon was going for the throat. As they locked eyes, Hunteddowns shouted, maybe ill turn your bones into a chess set animal king! Lionon shouted back, and maybe ill turn your flesh into a tree! And he lunged! As the Looking for Raiders clambered through the rian a dark orange messgae appeared before them all, THE RAIDS RESET TOMORROW!!! WILL BE OUR CREDO!!! Giving them stacks of determination as they crashed into the mythic raiders, creating enough room for the Grand Marshal to chage into some Goldshire Paladins with a trinket popped and Bladestorm them into a smoothie! Yelling, where is your gold now! And thunder boomed behind him. As the flagship neared the Cathedral at an unrelenting speed the owos began owoing for their lives at the top of their lungs until the two colided in a massive explosion sending owos shielded in owo magic slowfalling in all directions and leaving Pistolhead flat on the ground. He then got up, consuming his soulstone in the process, before a large white egg in the center of the room that now had a crack down the center of it. Light pierced through the crack before erupting sending shards flying through the air that Pistolhead blocked with a sacroficed voidwalker he didnt even have to summon. The Center has been sending the things it doesnt want to The Edge and The Edge has been sending them back for millions of thousands of years now, and neither of us are ever going to change that Pistolhead, said the High Centralist. Im not looking to change that, im looking to change you! Pistolhead screamed clenching his teeth as tight as his staff taking steps towards the High Centralist who held Centermost, a large shield in his main hand. As the last utterence of the Mortal Kombat theme played out, so began the Halo 2 theme song [lllllllllllllllllllllll]
Then i shall put theory into practice, the High Centralist shouted clicking his own levitate off and landing firmly on the ground. Pistolhead, with one of his shoulderpads knocked off and a lens from his goggles missing, revealing an eye of flame belching with primordial hate replies, and i will put practice into history! Just then a piller of light erupted down on Pistolhead that he resisted by casting his shadow protection backwards before instant casting a torrent of shadowbolts. The High Centralist cast power word: shield and held up Centermost to absorb the bolts and casted mind controll. But the mind controll failed as even Pistolhead failed to do that. He shot off a penance that Pistolhead absorbed with the black of his Corrupted Atiesh like a magnet! As a wing emurged from his remaining shoulderpad and flapped propelling him upward and descending upon the High Centralist holding the black end down with both hands. The High Centralist cast inner fire as the Corrupted Atiesh plunged into the center of Centermost breaking his fear ward and causing the black glow to flicker like flame revealing a large edge. The High Centralist grit his teeth and opened his lips to suppress the pain. As Pistolhead began hellfiring on top of him, he tried to burn his mana but he just kept life tapping to show how far The Edge is willing to go! And then he began draining his soul before melting them both into a crisp.
as the violence simmered to an end Pistolhead stood before an owoified spirit healer surrounded by AFK spirits no longer able to communicate with it before wandering off in search of Ewo. Many tried to ressurect him, to thank him for what he had done, but he declined them all, as if only to remind them, that every shape has an edge, and every edge has its Lord.
Thank you all for reading, and remember of all the senses you may lose, never lose your sense of humor.