This is my love letter to the roleplay community, a letter from an unknown nobody who simply enjoyed socializing and writing. I previously posted, "PSA: AI Roleplay" several years ago which is a post that resurfaces from time to time. I try not to post unless I feel there is something meaningful that can be discussed.
This post, I’m going to be extracting all advice and knowledge I can find in the depths of my brain and share it in hopes it will prevent others from making common errors that can chance them losing passion, interest, or most importantly safety in their projects and hobbies.
Myself, I’ve been across several realms, Emerald Dream, Wyrmrest Accord, Moon Guard. I started roleplaying on a whim, a mistake, in a funny story of joining the wrong type of guild. It, at the time felt like the best mistake of not knowing “RP/PVP” meant RP. It opened me up to a lively community who seemed eager to teach me the ropes. Since, I’ve run several guilds, all of them having ended from inviting the wrong person who would inevitably cause issues and refuse to leave without attempting to burn a community down with them. "Curse your sudden, but inevitable betrayal!" - The last couple of years, I ‘retired’ to being a guild officer.
In this ten-year span, I’ve participated in many projects, even if my participation was short-lived: slp, cmu, fow, wraproc, and many others… I’ve joined many different kinds of guilds, lore strict, world building, rp-pvp, server guilds. I did this because I liked seeing what this hobby had to offer. I noticed that no matter where I went, there was always one thing each community, guild, project, offered… DRAMA.
It seems no matter where you go, you will never fail to see someone’s eight page DNI list, there is never a soapbox not willing to be stood on. You can be messaging your friend a meme about kittens, and they respond with a ‘juicy’ screenshot from a drama blog about women and pigs, silver criminal elves, a bubble gnome, some fashionista, a crawfish priest, and a partridge in a pear tree. People I’ve never heard of. People I’ve never interacted with. People I could live happily not knowing of. Yet, if I did remain remiss of knowing, and I was dare seen near one or speaking to one. Suddenly, I’m "technological forum gnome, sympathizer of that one b-tch who called my puppy fat."
In the end, I can type until my fingers fall off. I can give stories, experiences, and ramble about the last ten years of insanity that eventually lead me to leaving this community. Instead, I want to give you the advice I wish I had and advice I do think could better impact this bleeding community. I hope this community can one return to just a collective of nerds here to share tales.
ROLEPLAY & INTERACTION
• You: At the end of the day when our computer screens turn black and our games are shut off, we leave our avatars behind, and we are left with the most important character; ourselves. We roleplay often times to either be someone far from ourselves or to insert ourselves in fantasy worlds. This alteration of ourselves should remain strictly in fantasy and stop the moment we go OOC. The biggest disservice we can do to ourselves and those around us is to pretend we’re someone we’re not. Humans are flawed, pretending we aren’t, doesn’t help with actual growth of character. You shouldn’t settle with your flaws, life is about constantly working on improving, but part of that is understanding your weaknesses and faults. It is empowering to know your faults and actively work on them, than it is getting ‘caught’ in them and having who you are weaponized against you.
I’ve seen some of the most prestigious members of server projects drop gnarly memes, some jokes too dark for the void to even reach, and prance around in a room filled with so many masks every meeting is a masquerade. Then, if one of their masks falls, the rest are quick to damn and doom that individual, all while tightening the strings on their own mask. This is a video game, don’t fall into the trap that you need to keep up some sort of reputation to be apart of this community. In fact, anyone who demands you act a certain way, likely is a early sign of the type you’d wish to avoid.
• Community Toxicity: Yes, I’m looking at you drama blog. Did you know, there is a way to edit messages in under a few minutes? I won’t tell you how, but anyone can! There are many ways to fake screenshots in-game or in discord. There’s also people who conveniently take screenshots out of context too. Do not be played into a pitchfork for Witch Hunts, peer pressure isn’t enough to contribute to possibly harassing someone who could be innocent. Instead? Do research. Ask questions. If you’re able to, always look at both sides of a story. The fact that people can anonymously say something on a blog site and people will destroy reputations or livelihoods over it, is shameful.
What happens if you find out someone really did kick puppies? Well, then you ignore them. You avoid them. If you believe they’re dangerous enough to where you need to go out of your way to spread it, then that’s dangerous enough to make a report to blizzard and the police as well. You aren’t ‘helping’ the community by spreading information, you can help by taking actual legal action if something terrifies you that much. If it isn’t bad enough to warrant that, then it likely isn’t bad enough to try to continue feeding fire into. (Speaking as someone who has contacted police over OOC behavior.) Stop excusing bad behavior because of someone else’s bad behavior.
• Personal Drama: We are the villian in someone’s story. At one point or another we’ve been caught gossiping, venting, being two-faced, lying, or being incentive. Pretending we’re not human and haven’t behaved in ‘toxic’ ways isn’t productive to anything. We’ve all made mistakes. We will continue to make mistakes; we’re alive. That said, what you can do is make efforts to make your mistakes less messy. If you need to vent? If you need to talk poorly on someone because you’re busting at the seams? Seek out someone you trust who is removed from the community. Speak to someone you’ve known for years inside the community. Confide in those who want your emotional health OVER wanting tea. In general here is a rule of thumb. Be honest, ask yourself:
"Do I want to talk about this person/group because I'm hurt and need comforting?
"Do I want to talk to others because I want feedback and honesty?"
"Do I want to ruin this group/person's experience/reptuation because I'm angry?"
"Do I want others to dislike this person/group, so I don't feel alone?"
Your answer may be mixed. But, it is a good mindfulness exercise before you go off and begin opening a can of worms. Keep in mind as well, the tone you vent something in, isn’t always the tone someone else shares/gossips about it: remember the game telephone?
• Guilty: Perhaps you’ve royally messed up, half the server hates you, the other half is told to avoid you. Your entire hobby has blown up in your face. You debate running away, making new accounts; no one will ever know it’s you. - Trust me, people will find out eventually. Like I said earlier, own your flaws and then no one can catch you in them. When it comes to returning to this community and interacting with it again, you should be mindful that past behaviors don’t resurface. The first thing to do is ask yourself a very important question: "Am I upset I got caught or am I upset I did it?".
Be honest with yourself. If it’s the former, you should sit with yourself and analyze the situation. Is this something you should feel guilty over? Is this something you actually did? Keep in mind, some vile people will sometimes gaslight others into thinking they’re the issue. If you’re uncertain, ask someone completely unrelated. If at the end of that, you find you ARE guilty, and you AREN’T apologetic for it, then perhaps you should reconsider returning to this community.
If you find yourself guilty and sincerely apologetic? Then it’s time to buckle down. Own up to your wrongdoings, your faults, and your flaws. Allow the people you’ve wronged to get closure. Do not allow people uninvolved to abuse you though. If someone consistently chips away at you, you will not heal. Find a small group, tell them your story, and just exist there. Learn communication, boundaries, and most importantly don’t put yourself back in comprising situations you were formally in. If you find yourself slipping back into old habits, distance yourself or leave, so you do not hurt others.
GUILD & COMMUNITY
• Guild Leaders: When you begin a project or guild which you open up to others, you have two responsibilities: Communication & Honesty. You owe it to anyone who dedicates time to your project, what they’re actually signing up for. You should keep that integrity the entire time. That stated, you need to really look at your project in order to do that. Ask yourself: what is my goal with this guild/project? Don’t shy away from the answer either. Do you want to be the center of attention? Do you want to make stories? Do you want to just try something? Any reason is alright, so long as your joining members know it and consent to it.
Once you have your vision, stick to it or stick to versions of it you want. Do not feel pressured or threatened by your members to change your vision. After all, you’re likely the one doing all the work. If your members dislike your vision, you can try to adapt parts of it, but the moment you begin changing your entire project, you will lose passion and love for it. It is better to tell a member your community might not be the best fit, than it is to lose love for a project you worked so hard on.
In addition, be kind and right to your officers. They should never be doing more work than you longer than a few weeks at a time. Your position is not to hold a title while your officers hold up your guild.
• Guild Members: Your guild leader isn’t your employer, priest, parent, or any other figure of authority. Your guild leader isn’t some untouchable entity. You guild leader is another nerd, but a nerd with ideas! The biggest mistake you can make is holding one person on a pedistal and expecting miracles from something they do in their free time. Respect the fact this is a hobby, they aren’t getting paid.
If you find yourself disliking your guild, don’t riot, make coups, or try to destroy the community in some adult tantrum. Leave. There are plenty of communities around you may enjoy. You can dislike a guild and still wish the best for them.
That said, there have been many project and guild leaders who do believe they are somehow a deity you should feel honored to kneel before. Run. If you catch weird behavior or expectations (OOCly), leave early. You don’t want a situation where you speak up, and you wind up dog piled because they’ve created a tiny mob in their guild to pressure new people. Leave a community at early red flags.
• Getting Along: You find that someone you dislike joined a community you’re in. If they were not worth reporting to blizzard/law, they’re not worth trying to sabotage. This is one of those tough situations where you suck it up. Don’t go sneaking off to the DMs of all your friends and notify them that your two-faced arch-enemy who spells ‘orange’ wrong has joined. If you have legitimate concerns? Contact your GM in privacy. You can communicate worries without creating a hostile enviorment.
You can also do the super cool thing of trying to make amends and use the tool of communication! Of course, it can backfire, but it is still the mature thing to do! Overall, tolerance is key to keeping a community healthy.
Thanks for attending my TED talk! I hope my advice helps someone and it wasn’t just me word vomiting on a forum post. We’re all in this community together. This is -our- community. Learn communication, honesty, tolerance and hold your expectations for others to do the same. I’m unsure if I’ll ever return to the RP scene, but, I want to wish the best to everyone who remains and who keeps fighting to make this community loving and warm. Be kind to each other. <3