Social Anxiety here

Just Q up and only thing I usually say is hi.
I still get trepidation on Qing up but you just have to push the button.
If the group gets talkative I will just talk about what I been up to in the game lately or goals otherwise I just do my role the best I can and try not to die at all.

Whatā€™s with the quotes around social anxiety? Itā€™s an actual, real medical condition. Donā€™t try to downplay it or be rude about it.

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Do a few runsā€¦ just start with a ā€œhiā€ and do the runā€¦nobody usually talks and if you do your part nobody will be spittinā€™ in your wind. It could be therapeutic in some way. Next week you might be out doing bad karaoke , stranger things have happened.

I donā€™t have social anxiety, but I donā€™t handle peopleā€™s attitude well, so when people are jerks in group content I tend to get annoyed or even angry and want to bail.
I do find the time walking dungeons more enjoyable because they are quick, people just want to get them done and barely talk, and Iā€™ve yet to be kicked from one of those for doing something dumb like sitting in something I shouldnā€™t be, haha.

I donā€™t really do regular dungeons or raids with people though, so I canā€™t really help there. The few times Iā€™ve done them, I usually just do what I can to keep up with everyone and do my part, and barely read the chat, unless something is going wrong or I feel like I donā€™t know how to do a mechanic, otherwise I donā€™t pay attention to anyone else.

My guild is dead and the people that randomly come on never talk, but I donā€™t have any interest in joining a new one since I donā€™t want to end up with other peopleā€™s drama, so I can feel you there OP.

Sorry Iā€™m not much help here. Good luck!

Thinking its only a game which it is helps, being judged for poor performance by people your never gonna see again doesent really matter

I think social anxiety is way more common than many let on. But like several things there are varying degrees.

I have social anxiety but mostly on in IRL situations with many people particularly if I donā€™t know them that well or at all.

Online Iā€™m fine.

With that out of the way my advice.

1 relax and get your frame of mind into as much as a ā€œchillā€ space as you can. Remember you are just having fun playing a game.

2 like others suggested turn off your chat channels if itā€™s very hard to cope. You can even turn off whispers so no one can private message you. Just play and observe easing your comfort level you gradually re-enable a chat channel. Maybe start with general and for a whole donā€™t participate just read whatā€™s going on. If the vibe is good jump in with some friendly or funny banter and see how it goes.

I think a large issue is that ā€œfriendly or funny banterā€ can be misconstrued as the opposite and you can end up getting a forced vacation from the game with how stringent the rules can be.

The conundrum is that social skills are already lacking, and by trying to get more involved, we may think weā€™re being friendly or having fun but actually are having the opposite effect, leading to more vicious cycle issues.

I treat my anxiety the way i treated my asthma in my teens:

This condition is keeping me from doing things and achieving goals. I have tools within my reach to work around it so i can do those things.

With my asthma, in my teens I went from having to live by an albuterol nebulizer 3-4 times a day to only using an emergency inhaler by simply doing a ramp up of excercise. I started walking everywhere, lost a bit of weight, started skateboarding. My asthma is bad nowadays, but a sedentary lifestyle and working from home nowadays, it is what it is.

For social anxiety, I just try and expose myself to people and remind myself that the stakes in a video game are super low, itā€™s not like Iā€™m doing a job interview. Im terrible at interviews. Horrible drymouth, where do I look, keep your hands still, etc etc.

Work retail for a bit and it goes away real quick.