Posting on an alt so the person I’m talking about doesn’t know who I am. Not going to say names either.
Anyways, me and my friend have been RPing for years now with multiple story lines and friendships forming. I genuinely enjoy RPing with them but OOC they can be irritating. They easily get upset at the slightest things, I could say something OOC that can be perceived slightly as insulting when its clearly a joke.
I’ve RPed with them so much that the relationships I’ve formed between their characters and mine have sort of ingrained themselves into the characters identity. When one of your characters marries one of theirs, its incredibly hard to retcon it.
The OOC relationship between us is begining to feel more and more toxic, and now that they have found new people to RP with they have completely left me for those people, saying that I better RP how they like or don’t RP with them at all. They also told me that they only RPed with me because they didn’t have anyone else to RP with, but now that they have formed new friends I guess I’m replaceable.
I want to repair the relationship between us because I enjoy having conversations OOC with them (When they aren’t being toxic that is) and we share allot of the same interests. But at the same time I feel like I should completely cut them off because how they basically told me I was replaceable.
I also don’t want to stop RPing with them because then I’d have to retcon years of RP relationship and story development, much of which has changed how I RP my characters. This is hard for me to talk about, because its such a stressful situation. I don’t know if I want in or if I want out. I could use some advice.
Please help.
Oof… I’m gonna be honest, I’ve been there. Now in my case, we were successful at repairing our relationship which had been extremely toxic and now we’re awesome together. Thing is though, this happened as a result of us ending our friendship and not contacting each other for 2 years before we decided to reconcile.
So, one thing I want to make clear here: my situation is kind of a shot-in-the-dark and is far from the norm. A lot of times, toxic relationships are really hard to mend or impossible, or at the very least so emotionally taxing that it’s not worth it. If this person really is making you feel this bad, I would suggest cutting it off. If they perhaps have a change of heart down the road and ask to have another chance, well… Perhaps, but analyze the situation and consider how you’ve been and how you’ve felt since you had cut them out, and from there decide if it’s worth the chance or not.
It’s not easy, and yeah the process does suck. It can hurt a lot to get out of a toxic relationship, even if it’s for the best. But if what you’ve got now is causing more harm than good, it’s time to exit.
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I concur with Nigel’s advice for the OOC side. For the RP side, I know it can suck, but there are a couple ways of dealing with it:
You could ask to turn his toon(s) into NPCs, even ones that just take a back seat to your characters’ stories. Still in their life, but no longer part of the active RP that you do.
Or you could retcon the name of the character(s) and make them your own NPCs, making minor changes to the history to accommodate.
And/or if you decide to fully cut ties once and for all, come up with a reason in story for the breakup. This too will require some talking and compromise with him, but it can help you get some closer.
The most recent time I had a friend going through something like this, the leaving party agreed to let their character die (cause they no longer wanted to RP the character anyway) which allowed the other player’s character to move on.
As a last resort though, as sucky as it can be, retiring the character(s) might be the best option. It can also help the OOC and putting that whole chapter of life behind you, and starting something new with non-toxic friendships.
Its a hard situation, and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I hope you can get past it and reconcile or move on without too much more stress. Best of luck.
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Posting so I can remind myself when I wake up to give my advice. Hope it goes well for you OP.
I have 1 major suggestion and perhaps something else to consider with your own Introspection;
- Never, ever give something that you can’t afford to lose, especially when the other you are doing that for wouldn’t do the same for you.
It is very easy for us to predicate our self worth, and means by which we determine the value of our actions by the company we keep and their approval of us. A difficult nuance we all have to learn is balance a self love self care and self priority that will enable you to share that with others.
I feel this is key to any relationship… Friendship or otherwise, honestly ask yourself why are you doing in the first place. Reconnect with that, and if there is a reason that stems from anything other than a desire to be entertained, you may need to consider how to fulfill that outside the game, or at least identify it so that it does not have you unintentionally putting expectations on others that can really only be fulfilled by yourself.
Once you honestly address yourself in this way…you will be able to recognize this in others; and you might find your friend subject to this rule. ----consider the first suggestion I made at the start, if that’s the case.
Hopefully this will be of use to you at some point. Many of us have been there so take what is useful, and most importantly be honest with yourself in what you truly want/need.
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Back, and I have some time, so:
Hey, Jeraltorivia, I can understand where you’re coming from. A majority of people’s walks of life and experience throughout roleplaying in any internet medium usually means they’ll encounter people what you’ve described: Self absorbed, toxic at the drop of a hat, and entirely apathetic to the nature of other people. Sadly a lot of the time this stuff is just too unavoidable. We never know what we’re going to get into until we’ve progressed and talked to the person a bunch of times.
I empathize and sympathize with you on this being stressful situation. I know it’s tough and troublesome but I have hope you’ll get over it.
My advice is as follows, it’s going to be short and blunt: Cut the person loose. The person you’re describing is somebody who has explicitly told you that you’re a stepping stone for them regardless of how you feel in return. Any further interaction with them will only breed a more problematic mindset and imbalanced relationship regardless of your intentions. They’ve dropped you before and they’ll do it again. All while they talk down to you.
Some relationships just can’t be rekindled. A friendship requires two people to work on it. Same as any other thing; it’s a teamwork and trust building exercise.
Thankfully a lot of roleplay is based around creativity. Although it could be considered problematic (for them) the best thing I recommend you do is take control of the history you both worked on and change it to allow yourself to branch off. Allow me to explain in further detail:
You can simply interject and handweave the character to be someone similar in race & gender, class and everything else. However the character you’re replacing them with is simply just an NPC. This allows you to both retain the storyline and character progression of your characters (and theirs) while also allowing you to branch off and not feel conjoined to a person you’re definitely having troubles with. Ultimately you could either take the character you’ve written and then implement them as somebody you also roleplay (as a foil to your own) as, depending on choice either simple text or an actual character in WoW, or you can give them a cosigned death to draw a conclusion to both of your story.
It may sound a bit vindictive and finnicky but I would value your own sanity and peace of mind over somebody who’ve you said will stress you out. If, later whenever, you actually want to try and socialize with them you can just kickstart your history as it normally was. But in this case i’d advise not to.
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Sorry to be deathly blunt here, but it’s something I’m good at.
Remember, OP, this is a video game you’re playing. Put into that context, are you having fun? If you’re not, then it’s time to walk away from the thing that isn’t allowing you to do that. Characters, hard as it is to hear, are disposable. They can be changed on a whim. They’re bendable and mold-able to any number of situations- basically what I’m getting at here is that your character will get over it and move on, or can be changed to fit the situation.
You, on the other hand, are not a character. You are not someone to be bent to another’s whims. You do not exist in this world as someone’s sole source of entertainment, and you, even though you have, are not obligated to put up with horrible behavior from horrible people who don’t know how to treat others with dignity and respect.
Get out of that relationship. Forget the characters and think about yourself.
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I would end it with that kind of an attitude. There’s clearly a huge, and growing, divide between you two that, as posted above, is extremely unlikely to be mended. When things start falling apart, it cascades and the job gets harder the longer it goes on. Your partner has expressly stated that they don’t care about you or anything going on there, so it’s best to cut it loose. How you want to do that is up to you.
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A toxic person isn’t going to get less toxic by you doing what they want. And that toxicity is affecting your real-life emotions. I can’t speak to you this way because I don’t know you, but if a friend came to me with this situation I would tell them to cut all ties, make characters that the other player RPd who are important to your character’s storyline into NPCs – rename them or don’t, there can be more than one person with any name – kill the NPCs off, let your character grieve, and find other roleplay partners who aren’t toxic and don’t try to jerk you around and manipulate you.
I know it isn’t easy to extricate yourself from this kind of relationship, but someone who treats you this way isn’t being a friend to you. I’ve had this sort of thing happen on a few occasions too, and I know it hurts a ton when you’re going through it but you’ll be better off – and happier, and healthier – by finding people to RP with who don’t treat you this way, who can help you grow your characters and RP as well as allow you to help them grow theirs, and who won’t make you feel bad IRL.
You describe their OOC behavior as irritating, but it’s worse than that. And sure, anyone can have a bad day or go through an insecure period, but this isn’t that, and no matter how nice they can be some of the time, they’re treating you badly all of the time if this is the behavior that’s at the core of how they interact with you.
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Thank you everyone, I’ll think on everything presented and I’ll comr up with a conclusion and plan.
Really can’t thank this community enough, it is so welcoming and accepting of others. I can always find people here who can sympathize with me and I can sympathize with. ![:slight_smile:](https://d38bqls1q93fod.cloudfront.net/en/wow/images/emoji/twitter/slight_smile.png?v=6" ":slight_smile:")
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Some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten is that a person who is good to you 90% of the time and treats you really badly 10% of the time is still someone who treats you really badly. But I think most people have said it a lot better already.
I’ll add that one step you might consider taking is to expand your rp circle so you don’t end up going back out of in-game loneliness/boredom.
Hi OP! I have been in that situation myself and it was very hard. We had more than one character connected so it became hard to deal things IC/OOC when I was on more than just that one character. Over time, my social circle became smaller and smaller due to all the drama if I roleplayed with anyone but this person.
Which is why I so wholeheartedly agree with:
I am working on broadening my own roleplay circle again so if you are looking for new connections, please consider reaching out! I can usually be found on this character or my shield-maiden Liliaña.
I wish you the best with figuring things out. It’s a tricky situation but I know with a little thought and perhaps some hard decision, things will look up ^^
This is the number one reason why you should not be afraid or overwhelmed at the prospect of moving on. No one in their right mind suggests that someone they’ve been creative partners with is replaceable, and whoever does say that to someone needs to be cut off from your life.
I have been in your position myself. As my social circle shrunk and the people I had been with grew less and less, I found myself becoming more and more blind to those who were still around me, who had manipulated me in a way I was oblivious to, and perhaps they were even oblivious to it as well. I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt to them, as after all I wasn’t the best of friends back to them either. At the end of the day however, I was cut off from their lives. I found myself drowning and lost, with quite literally no friends to truly speak of. It was a very stressful time for me.
Once I got my life back together, I took the time to piece together the picture that was left behind for me to work with. My character is my own, and I should control that character in whatever way I desired. That included reworking years of roleplay, character growth, and direction for my character, and I found the more I cut away, the more I realized just how stagnant and toxic the meat of that character had become.
I’ve moved on since then. I’ve had fantastic bits of growth for my character, and even have been able to start developing other ideas for other characters that I have always wanted to do, but always found myself at a loss as to what to do with them. It’s hard to rework a character you’ve spent time trying to develop, but you will be far better off for the experience and result in a much more focused direction that you want to take that character in.
Finally, there’s this:
Don’t bother trying to repair it. At the end of the day, you are catering to their unfortunately toxic needs, and you need to come first. If you are as replaceable as they say you are, then they are keenly aware at how effective they are at stringing you along with a carrot on a stick. If there’s any repair that can happen, it will need to come from them first. People grow up. Problems they had before start to chip and fall off of them. They can certainly take the first step in working to repair that relationship, but at this moment in time you are absolutely better off in diverging onto a different path.
I’ve been in that situation…
If you ever need a new RP buddy, or someone to hang with I’d be more than happy on my Druid =D, she may be a worgen but she’s plenty nice!
In my case we ended up cutting ties…the new person he found didn’t want him having any contact with me at all.
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I love worgen. My main is a Worgen. If you see Roxanewatson ingame, that’s me.
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Verifying that this is me.
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