Kohshek (nee Romanaus) has never been afraid of the dark, or of death. He was born out of an unholy act–a paladin broke his vows and did the unthinkable–and neither of his parents wanted him. Taken in by the brethren at Northshire Abbey, Khoshek has sometimes wondered if he was fated to become a paladin like his father, and the implications nag at him.
Somewhere deep in his mind, Khoshek has always wondered if he was a cosmic mistake. Perhaps it would have been best had he never lived at all, but since he does, he has been determined to make the most of his life. At the same time, Khoshek has eagerly jumped at any chance to honorably sacrifice himself. He was pleasantly surprised to find himself in the afterlife, but quickly disappointed to see it was neither as peaceful nor permanent as he had been led to believe.
In spite of his disappointments and reservations, Khoshek has learned “Fate” is a sheep in wolf’s clothing, and he called her bluff. Regardless of whatever anyone would say about him–including himself–Khoshek is entirely capable of falling to the same sins as his father, and entirely capable of making whatever choices he pleases.
Rise or fall, Khoshek cannot and will not blame “Fate” or the old gods or the compulsions put upon him by whatever undead power holds him in sway in a given moment. As much as the Light inspires obedience to goodness, it is ultimately Khoshek’s choice to follow the Light or not.
Disappointed as he was to find the afterlife ephemeral as it is, in many ways it has been a blessing in disguise; it has served to release Khoshek of so many fears and questions about himself. Going forward, he has the confidence that comes with knowledge, and the weight of personal responsibility upon his shoulders.
As Khoshek’s player, I’m reminded of two quotes from Kingdom of Heaven I’ve edited to adjust for Khoshek’s perspective:
Remember that howsoever you are played or by whom, your soul is in your keeping alone, even though those who presume to play you be kings or men of power. When you stand before [anyone], you cannot say, “But I was told by others to do thus,” or that virtue was not convenient at the time.
And another:
I put no stock in [fate]. By the word [fate] I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of [a higher power]. Holiness is in right action and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What [the Light] desires is [in your head] and [in your heart]. [By] what you decide to do every day, you will be a good man–or not.