Greetings, esteemed Blizzard overlords,
I am writing this with a tear in my glowing, undead eye socket. I also have endured the most tragic, completely unfair death in the history of Azeroth. My beloved undead mage, whose name shall remain forever enshrined in the Hardcore Hall of Pain, met his untimely end while heroically attempting the timeless trek from the Wetlands to the Badlands. But alas, this was no ordinary death. No, this was a calculated assassination orchestrated by fate itself.
Picture this: I’m trotting along at a brisk, undead pace, my bony skeletal warhorse feet clacking against the dirt, when out of nowhere, literally out of nowhere, an Alliance NPC with a vendetta and a sniper rifle for vision flags me. Yes, my PvP flag popped without so much as a courtesy duel invitation. How? I don’t know. This was blizzards fault and the pixels aligned to hate me specifically. Either way, it was a betrayal of game mechanics.
And then, from the shadows of my disbelief, emerges the villain of this tale: an exceedingly ugly level 60 dwarf rogue named “Halong”. Not content to simply emote /laugh at my plight, this pint-sized menace uses every cooldown in his playbook, for a mage who wasn’t even aware he was on the hit list.
Let me remind you, kind developers, I was level 42. He was level 60. That’s 18 levels of overkill. I might as well have been a critter with a nameplate.
So here I am, reduced to dust by a rogue who probably thinks ketchup is spicy, wipes Cheeto dust on his sofa and wears the neckbeard of a spartan warrior in his mothers basement. And yet, here on the forums, I see another player crying because lag allegedly killed his character. Lag that he claims was blizzards injustice yet no other player suffered the same defeat he did! Imagine dying to the internet and asking for sympathy. Do you think my PvP flag was lag? I do. Was Halong’s burning hatred of skeleton mages a lag spike? Maybe not. But, what I do know is that it was targeted injustice. It was a calculated exploit of Hardcore game mechanics. Like a snake in the grass waiting patiently, multiple hours a day, to strike unsuspecting, low level characters.
Blizzard, Where’s the love for those of us who get ganked by the real villains, game design and rogue players with small dwarf energy? I ask…nay, I demand, that my mage be resurrected, for this was a war crime against not only me but against the very fabric of fairness in Hardcore gameplay. You may make it clear characters will not be resurrected under any circumstance, but this circumstance is exceptional and deserves to be investigated.
If this request is denied, I will take solace in the fact that my undead mage died as he lived: misunderstood, crispy, and forever haunted by hot dwarven Cheeto breath.
#JusticeForMages
#DeathforHalong
#ResurrectionUnderExceptionalCircumstances
*** WANTED ***
500 gold, fresh off the press, for the in-game assassination of Halong.
Video / Picture evidence of the assassination is required before payment.