Sometimes WoW can be that little refuge in your life, so let it be so when you’ve suffered the loss of a family member.
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Sometimes I’ve wanted to turn to drinking because of my issues, but I think of the alcoholic side of my family and the trauma they put us through and refrain. Drinking is an addiction and a particularly terrible one.
I understand the anger as well. My mom passed away suddenly a few years ago, and we suspect she may have had cancer and didn’t tell any of us. My mom was also the oldest child in her family, and due to the aforementioned alcoholism she raised her siblings. She was always the strong one, the one to take care of others. But we would have gladly taken care of her as well, if she had let us. Don’t try to be so strong that you end up breaking. Take care of yourself too.
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That sounds absolutely heartbreaking. Sorry for you sister.
I know it’s hard to share this with your family, but don’t hold it in.
Everything will be alright.
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Sometimes the best example is a bad example.
In my case, its in the family. Almost all my aunts and uncles were alcoholic so I’m very careful about any drinking that I do.
It’s easy to be tempted to find ways to just forget about the pain. But there are better ways to cope with things. Friends, family, support groups. Far better ways to cope. Alcohol just masks the pain, for one person. You. And it doesn’t last.
Coping mechanisms are perfectly normal, but there are good ways to cope and bad ways to cope.
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My sister was born unable to hear out of one ear and had problems with the other ear which delay her ability to speak. Her father( my step father) use to tell her she was stupid and to get married…old fashion red neck in a bad way. But I knew she was smart but I was 12 years her elder and when I turned 18 I went into the military to escape that life. Felt like I had abandoned my sisters but I had to make my own life. I wanted a college degree and my own freedom. Back then it was only mail( no email or internet) got married and set down roots in Hawaii. Maybe I wonder could I have done anything if I had stayed around closer to her? This is where I have a lot of anger towards myself.
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Chanel, it sounds very much like your stepfather would have gotten along “great” with the mother and brother of a friend of mine.
She was constantly told that she was an unwanted child, that the only way she could be of worth was sacrificing herself constantly.
Yeah, she was messed up. Tried to commit suicide in my bathroom. We talked her down. What she needed was to be put into a foster home as that would have been better than having a mother like that.
Her brother was just as messed up. He studied martial arts and used his knowledge of it to HURT her without leaving visible signs.
I’m not a violent man. Never have been. But if I had ever seen him in a back alley, he would have been in the hospital. Anything in the vicinity would have been used as a weapon.
To this day I wonder what became of her after I moved away. I sincerely hope that she got out of the hellhole that her home was.
So I can understand your frustration. You wonder what you could have done better. And now you can’t, because she’s gone.
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Chanel - I’m so sorry you lost your sister, I know your pain. My husband died suddenly in January and he was a WOW player for 15 years.
Like you, I’ve been trying to escape to WOW but his characters are in all my guilds (its just him & me in guild) and when I see him on the roster I cry, a lot. I hope to get to a point where I can remember all the fun we had without getting upset.
Hang in there hun, they say it gets easier. I wish you peace.
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Honor the dead by doing what they cannot anymore-- live and be happy.
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/hugs
10char
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I’m so sorry.
None of us are you… We’re not going through what you’re going through, the way you’re going through it.
But we can be here for you, empathize, and sympathize with you, and share our experiences of loss.
This fall will be 20 years since I lost my Mom. My Dad followed her 6 months later.
Grief is weird. Everyone handles it differently, in any way they can.
For me, it comes like a strong wave still. Out of nowhere at the oddest times, and like a strong current, I have to allow it to pull me and I ride it as best I can.
But when it breaks, and leaves me on the shore, I’m better for it, having had them close, and felt their love, and the hole they left behind that will never be filled, and that’s as it should be, because they were amazing, and irreplaceable.
The best we can all do is self-care, to be our best selves for those we love, now. Don’t let them down. And tell them how much we love them. Don’t wait. Life is short. Time is precious. Don’t let it go unsaid.
/sobs face off
(((Hugs)))
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That is so perfect. Thank you so much for posting that!
/…grabs more Kleenex
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OMG I am so very sorry. I feel your anger. My…consort, since I’m too old and we’ve been together too long to call him a boyfriend, has been attempting sobriety (poorly), for the last decade.
He recently came down with pneumonia, was hospitalized/forced detox, and now has cardiomyopathy, and at 50, a life expectancy. Alcohol will kill him at this point.
I feel like a widow-in-waiting. I can see the abyss. I know his loss will devastate me. But I’m going to will and beat him into health and survival as hard and as long as I can.
But alcohol is such an insidious liar. I’m terrified. But I’m lucky to have and continue to share life’s journey with this incredible human.
Thanks so much Chanel, for sharing this. This is such a great thread. I feel proud of my grief scars. They’re an incredible gift. I’ve known much love.
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You’ve been a fun poster to read over the patches, Chanel. How you portray yourself on here has always been confident and witty. Reading your opening post was frustrating and very upsetting for me (for you), but I wanted to share these thoughts with you in the hopes that seeing how many people want you to feel better might help you cope with the loss.
Thank you for sharing. I hope it helps.
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And I am quoting this for my own benefit. Thank you for turning a personal, grieving moment into a chance of self reflection for us.
I don’t know if this helps, but someone much wiser than me shared with me a quote:
Remember that mountain that was placed before you? The one you were meant to climb? No one said you had to carry it.
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I lost my younger brother and my mother, I know how it feels. Remember to keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, it is always there.
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/Hugs, Chanel. 
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Personally speaking, anger’s always been a big part of my life. In some cases, I would rather be angry than upset. I don’t know how to deal with being upset, for similar reasons you put here. I’m someone who tries to let logic reign. I was always there for my friends who were a couple of years younger than me.
Being angry, for me, is simple. You get pissed, and you yell for an hour or whatever, and then? It’s gone. It’s not the same for other people though. For some, I’m sure it’s the opposite. I can’t deal with being upset very well. It’s hard.
Back on point: I get it. Anger and that feeling of being upset are things we just have to confront in our own way. Venting on the forums. Talking to your family. Throwing on the loudest music you got and trying hard to navigate through it while using a proper outlet. Things like that.
I’m gonna say this. I hope you don’t hate me for it. But this is not your fault. We all make our own choices. I’m not going to assume you’re feeling guilt or anything like that. But if you are, just try to be clear headed and remember this isn’t your fault.
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i am truley sorry for your lots
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Again thank you all for your support. I think starting this thread was a way to tell myself she is gone. The 1st couple weeks I had no feelings I just buried myself in taking care of the funeral and getting everything in order. My youngest sister thinks I am cold or something because of this but I have seen a lot death in my life and someone has to do it. So it was a shock to me how hard this hit me. You know the kind of funny thing is the only family member who knows how I feel is my two year old granddaughter. When I took her to the zoo she asked me if I was sad and I told her my sister died and she held my hand and offered her brother up to replace my sister…cause his poo stinks and she would rather have a pet monkey. Going to be a great big sis. But she made me smile.
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There are no words sufficient for how much this made me smile.
Brilliance from a clear headed, perfect-hearted two year old.
Brava.
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