I think we all know that we are in a weird point of wow’s history where we are kind of drowning in girlbosses without much personality going on or opportunities to do anything throught provoking. Let me preface this with the fact that I like cool women characters and I don’t particularly love it when mmos turn into boys clubs but the fact of the matter is that the boys in the story have left the club.
We have a few types of guys in the current story:
THE DUTIFUL CONCUMBINE: This is the character who just really loves his wife. He is a wife guy. He is the preevolution of the wholesome dad. He is a wholesome dad in training. These are your Malfurians and your Thralls and your Turelians and now Lorethemar. Nathanos fits here too.
THE NOBLE BOOMER Let’s be honest this is a character specifically for the playerbase. He is old but he is crafty. Crafty like a fox. Those arrogant young people don’t take him seriously, but it’s their loss. So what if he has to use depends? He’s going to outlive you. If this character is a woman, she’s still a cool mom, right. Telemancer Occuleth is this. Eitrigg is this. Saurfang was this. Thrall is pretty much this now.
THE WHOLESOME DAD: These are your Darius Crowleys and your Genns and your Bolvars. They LOVE THEIR CHILDREN and they LIVE FOR THEIR CHILDREN. They have so many pictures of their kids, have you seen this one of lorna at the marimba recital? She really is something special huh.
THE PROPHETIC OLD MAN WHO WE KEEP MOSTLY IN A BOX: Your Velens. Your khadgars. They don’t exist here as people most of the time, they are deus ex machinas in a box. Occasionally they get to be damsels. But they are here to distribute wisdom and then go back inside of their cans.
We have three kinds of ladies:
THE GIRLBOSS: You know who she is. She is wise but naive. She is strong but she is emotionally growing. Her sidecut can destroy armies and her makeup can reflect mana bombs. She is weighed down by burdens (and why wouldn’t she be? Everything is about her, obviously) but she is strong enough to carry on and also warp the laws of physics. She always serves, but she never serves you. These are your Jainas. Your Sylvanas’. Your Tyrandes. Your Talanjis. Your Faerans. Your Azsharas. Your Thalyssras. Your Geya’rahs. Your Nishas. Your Allerias. Your Xalataths. Your callias. Oh god, there are so many of these.
SHE’S QUIRKY: This is a girl who is here to be wacky. She is different from the other girls. She’s just so different, and so fun, she escapes being able to participate in the story every time. Chromie is the biggest offender here. This is also Meera. This is also almost Margaeux except Margaex got to have a meaningful if brief story (rest in peace I will miss you forever Margaeux).
NASTY LADY: Ewwww! She’s so mean and so ugly! She is basically a disney villain. Everybody knows that morality is a reflection of your exterior beauty but at least she owns land and has henchmen so she’s definitely more successful than you. This is Lady Ashvane, this is Magatha, this is Lady Waycrest, this is every rough and tumble cult leader mini boss.
Last but not least we have:
THE DUTIFUL UNDERLING: This is your general cross gender npc. They are moral and dependable but they are often screwed over for these qualities. If they don’t die, you will never hear from them again after their questline. They are the majority of quest npcs.
So… what’s missing? What did wow used to have that people liked?
THE IMPULSIVE BUT DASTARDLY MACHO MAN This is Arthas and Garrosh. Kael and Illidan are also this even if Kael isn’t exactly macho. These are your man’s men. They make decisions! Usually bad ones! But the decisions are always interesting to watch! They are both loved and hated! They have some nuance! The thing they have in common is that they all will get done dirty.
THE EMOTIONAL NARCICIST WITH TOO MUCH POWER Everything is personal with this guy, which is why his motivations as a villain are understandable. He was betrayed in some way because he had different values from a former friend. He paves the road to hell even when he doesn’t have good intentions. He’s not hiding his motives but he’s still everybody’s problem. This is Killjaedan, this is Gul’dan, this is I Guess Pretty Much Every Titan Now.
Things I think WoW needs more of:
HIMBOS: Where are my wonderful, stupid, beefy men who get to do things in the story? They are not here. This is a travesty. Baine does not count because Baine is miserable.
COMPETENT MEN WITH POSITIVE MASCULINITY: Please give men who are good with their minds and their bodies. If I don’t get to have himbos you could at least give me a Rambo. Shaw is this but Shaw is the driest character. He is dryer than december thanksgiving turkey. If they make new men like this (and they should) I think they should make him an orc to make up for what they didn’t do with Garrosh.
GIRL FAILURES WHO ARE PLOT RELEVANT BUT DON’T EAT THE WHOLE PLOT: Let the ladies be bad at things sometimes but also don’t always put them in positions of absolute power. Let them make mistakes and grow as characters but please cut it out with the girl bosses. I so rarely get to see women in these stories be wrong unless they are NASTY LADIES and I am a little annoyed about that. GREAT EXAMPLES: The orc and forsaken soldiers in Pandaria questing. Bring them BACK.