Best. Guildmate. Ever

Konichiwa bit$%es. Are you looking for the most kick-a$$ guildmate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You f#$%ing found him. I’m a 45-year-old retired professional operations agent with experience at bad-a$$ companies in all over the F@#$@#ing globe. That’s right! What you know about experience? I have been living in Dubai and Barcelona for the most part so dont let the USA accent fool you. After deciding that Dubai was a stinky crap-hole, I moved to Bali. Why? So I can make your life easier by playing WoW again and support your guild.

Anyway, so I am playing again now that MS has taken over, and I have no f#$%ing clue how to get a guild. Honestly, I’ve only been playing a few days, but I got the 6 month package so no worries boo I am sticking around.

A bit about me: I’m respectful, quiet, clean and I won’t bother any of your vibes on Disco. If you leave me out of your raid or bg, I’m just like, “Oh man I better not mess with this group, because thats not cool.” I grind rep. I come prepared with consumables. Screw it. I’ll even heal for you. That’s right! My old toon is a shaman healer and I used to raid lead back in vanilla days. I’ll heal you, you want a pocket heal so you can record yourself and look amazing? I am your guy. I will do this for you. EVERY. GO%%AMN. NIGHT. Don’t need a healer? That’s f$#%ing FANTASTIC! I’ll make a Damage alt with CC that will knock your f#$%ing socks off.

I also read a lot. I f#$%ing LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that stuff. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It’s a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. F#$%ing smart. Do you like movies? I F#$%ing love them. We can watch the crap out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don’t have to talk to you at all. It’s completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE HELL YOU WANT? Of course you are! I’ll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James F#$%ing Taylor. AWWWWWW HELL YEA!

A lot of people ask me, “Hey, you’re from USA. Are you racist?” And, the answer to that question is, no. I’m not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist. I F$%^ING LOVE PEOPLE. That’s the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty f#$%ing cool right?

I have no history on this server, cause I never played OCE before. I am coming to your guild with an amazing attitude, 3 sticks of gum, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and an a$$load of beef jerky and Pringles so I dont have to run to the kitchen all the time. Though, I cant share this, I can buy a camera and share pictures of my rig and house here if you all want to see it. See?! I’m the most considerate person you’ve ever met. I’m offering to buy your guild stuff already!

Am I interested in your guild? You can bet my nomadic a$$ I am! I only require 4 other people, and we got ourselves a party. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I’m taking being a guildmate to the next level. Email me! I’ll hook yo a$$ up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I’d like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation guildmate who consistently blows your f$#%^ing mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I’m ready to give you my all!

Lettrz in game