Azeroth Express

Grobbulus
1

The dark mysteries of Azeroth Express

Doubtless you’ve heard or even traveled with them by now. You’ve seen their warlocks and mages garbed in their dark velvet robes, heard their cheerful greeting in all major cities, offering to teleport or summon you to the far reaches of Azeroth. You’ve emerged from the preternatural dark places they tend to inhabit, drunk in the sights of far-off lands, and thanked them for their prompt and courteous service.

The people of Azeroth Express are certainly the most cheerful, amiable group of dark mages and warlocks you’ll ever meet. They seem to be innocent enough … provided you ignore the unseen wind that stirs their cloaks with the dank cold scent of evil, of blood and darkness.

Azeroth Express is a conundrum wrapped in an enigma. Their web of ley lines and portals, summoners and nether paths canvass Azeroth. And you wouldn’t believe the deals they made to get them… or who they made 'em with.

Our network of mages and warlocks provide portals and summons to the following locations

Location Area Status Also Nearby
Duke of Hydraxxis Azshara :green_circle:
Booty Bay Stranglethorn Vale :green_circle: Ratchet
Black Rock Burning Steppes :green_circle: Molten Span
Darnassus Teldrassil :green_circle:
Dire Maul Ferelas :green_circle: Feathermoon
Talonbranch Glade Felwood :green_circle: Songflower
Gadgetzan Tanaris :green_circle: Zul’Farrak
Maraudon Desolace :green_circle: Nigel’s Point
Moonglade Northern Kalimdor :green_circle:
Razorfen Downs The Barrens :green_circle: RFK, Wailing Caverns
Scholomance Western Plaguelands :green_circle:
Scarlet Monastery Tirisfal :green_circle: Chillwind Camp
Southshore Hillsbrad Foothills :green_circle: SFK
Quel’Thien Lodge Eastern Plaguelands :green_circle: Stratholme
Theramore Dustwallow Marsh :green_circle: Onyxia
Marshal’s Refuge Un’Goro Crater :green_circle: Silithus
Starfall Village Winterspring :green_circle: Everlook
Iron Forge Dun Morogh :green_circle: Gnomeregan/Uldaman
Stormwind Elwynn Forest :green_circle: Deadmines

/join express

our Discord: discord.gg/3FhjedJ

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Yeah i’ll take one pepperon and one with extra cheese with half olives. Gimmie some breadsticks as well.

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People in Iron Forge argue about a lot of things. But there’s no argument about the fastest summons to remote locations, or the fastest delivery of things like, well, pizza. At Azeroth Express, our warlocks never summon you over the edge of a cliff to watch you go splat, and we pride ourselves on never spitting on your pizza, just because we’re a little mad at a customer, or something?

No spit at all!

But let’s say, for some strange reason, you caught one of our warlocks spitting on your pizza, even just a little… or find yourself summoned over a cliff.

You get half off your delivery fee or summons!

Half-off! Not bad for such quick delivery or summons.

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Any plans for a summoning location in Desolace for Mara farming?

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We made a Desolace summoning location – just for you.

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Azeroth Express Bounties

Here at Azeroth Express we pride ourselves on the safety of our staff.

That’s why we offer bounties for the heads of those that mercilessly slaughter them.

Are you a bounty hunter? Simply take out someone on the list and post a screenshot to collect the bounty!

Reward: 5 free passes to anywhere on Azeroth Express

WANTED DEAD - BLABBERWORT

This heinous orc is a wart on the face of Azeroth and we’re looking for someone to blast it off.

Wanted for the slaying of our Bay of Storms summoners.

WANTED DEAD - KELTHIS

This warthog faced troll mage is a malignant ooze, and somewhere out there is a tree that is tirelessly producing oxygen so that he can breathe. Sir, I think you owe that tree a big apology.

Wanted for the slaying of our Quel’Thien Lodge summoners.

WANTED DEAD - HEAVYDUTY

This orc warrior is the reason some animals eat their young.

Wanted for the slaying of our Bay of Storms summoners.

WANTED DEAD - CHTHONIC

This bootlicking, toad-eating undead priest snollygoster is known to feast on the entrails of young children.

Wanted for the slaying of our Bay of Storms summoners.

WANTED DEAD - SYNEL

This undead slithered out of her mother’s filth and should have been put in a glass jar on the mantlepiece.

Wanted for the slaying of our Bay of Storms summoners.

WANTED DEAD - ZUGZUGDABU

I never forget a face—but in the orc ZUGZUDABU’s case, I’ll be glad to make an exception. His vile canker-blossom’d countenance curdles milk and sours beer! I hope his fingers change into fish hooks and he gets an itch in his balls.

Wanted for the slaying of our Black Rock Mountain summoners.

WANTED DEAD - TERRORS

What do you call a thousand trolls like Terrors buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.

Wanted for the slaying of our Black Rock Depths summoners

WANTED DEAD - BURNSIDE

WANTED DEAD - DRIZZLE

OOC: We enjoy WPVP and the unpredictable nature it brings. Given that our summoners are capable of ushering in up to 100 alliance forces in any location we are not unreasonable targets. We do not consider attacks by the horde to be griefing or anything other than unbridled fun. If any horde member objects to their bounty being listed, we’ll take it down. To collect the reward, post a screenshot of their demise on our Discord.

1 Like
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This is great! Can you repost discord link? Is discord or ingame better for scheduling service?

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Our Discord is: discord.gg/4CC8kcN

Best way to reach us is /join express or whisper me, Zaeri.

But sometimes you might catch me in Discord and we can help out even if we haven’t “spawned.”

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At Azeroth Express we’ve seen some clever ways of using our services to gain an edge!

  1. Did you forget your douse? Our services can take you to Duke Hydraxxis and back to BRM in under 4 minutes.

  2. Grab a summons to DM and then on to Felwood for your Songflower buff!

  3. Let us summon you to Moonglade for your tailoring!

  4. Don’t miss out on the Ony BUff! Let us summon you to Stormwind from anywhere you are right before it drops!

Azeroth Express.

Ask the World of us.

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I’ve used the service, it’s excellent!!

AZEROTH EXPRESS FTW!!

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Not sure how you had an issue with my Guild member being that hes not quite even lvl 60 yet, but i will let you know any one who tries to collect on this bounty will be met with a great resistance, and will regret ever reading this post.

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My men out there making me proud. Doing Thralls work.

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Are you perchance Felbeck from Violence Gaming?

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There is no such thing as Violence Gaming.

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Violence… gaming? what on earth is that?

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(( OOC:

  1. We don’t have any OOC issues with horde attacking Azeroth Express. We’re war profiteers. We’re valid targets.
  2. I have a screenshot of him in the near vicinity of our gnome being slaughtered. But it just occurred to me, he is mounted in the screenshot, so it probably wasn’t him. So we’ll retract the bounty on Warpwhistle.
  3. This is meant to be all good fun. We’re a PVP server. We’re an RP server. We’re proving IC reasons for PVP.
  4. Our insults in our post are IC – we do not mean anything personal to the player.
  5. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it’s still fun and games, but someone lost an eye!

<3

Zaeri

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I think my eager undead brother is on the same page as you, though as we are not role-players by trade he may have missed out on some of the nuances in your post. He and our guildmate were actually pleased and saw this as an interesting way to engage in our beloved pass time of well…violence. Wether its is by us or against us makes no difference.

That said, if there is one thing we love more than violence, it’s capitalism. As such, we will cease assaults on your assets.

Maybe.

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You really dont have to do all that, were not worried or upset at all. its all good fun.

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OOC: I loved your threat of “great resistance, and regret” <3

IC: Take this silver piece, go into the Undercity, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!

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For the Uncle Buck reference, you get 2 gold stars!

1 Like