What if Amon ran a law firm?

"Proud Dominion citizens, it is my pleasure to announce to you a new evolution in human government. Gone are the days of bureaucracy, snooping watchdogs and independent courts. The fate of humanity lies in a law firm: Amon, Narud and Mengsk matrimonial and family law.

Instead of primitive and shortsighted families, we will administer the fate of mankind by lawsuits with the judges being on the same payroll as the attorneys filing the briefs. Red tape will be history; speedy and decisive action, the future."

Yours truly,

Arcturus Mengsk

So, what do you guys think? Can Kerri, Raynor and Artanis defeat a firm of evil lawyers who sue over every Marine you train in your barracks? Can the Swarm descend onto Korhal when Mengsk counters by suing Kerri’s wings off her back?

Time will tell, my friends; time will tell.

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Wow. Nice to see some humor :slight_smile:

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Thanks! Let’s see what our colleagues can think of to counter the growing threat of evil lawyers.

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Maybe start their own law firm and sue Amon?

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I think that as long as Raynor has MULEs, Mengsk and Narud would find themselves seeing the planet out from under themselves. And for that matter, there were a lot of minerals around Amon in the void.

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Ah, I can see it now: Abathur & Associates, LLC, the finest firm in interstellar corporate bastardism.

Abathur to Kerri: “Jury injected with mind control parasites. Favorable verdict, certain.”

Kerri to Abathur: “the only thing I don’t like about this shindig is I had to somehow get you a suit and tie.”

Zagara to Kerri: “Now that they have found in our favor, can I devour them in the name of the Swarm?”

Kerri to Zagara: “Remember what I taught you at Char, Zagara.”

Zagara to Kerri: “Vision, my Queen.”

Kerri to Zagara: “Yes, vision. If we brutally murder the judge and jury, they will be on to us.”

Zagara to Kerri: “Yes, my Queen.”

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What do you think someone like Abathur would charge in minerals per billable hour?

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Minerals unacceptable. Only essence viable. Also take biomass or specimens.

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Ah, but my dear Hive0805, the Zerg survive by evolution and adaptation. Surely the scions of Zeras can find some way to thrive by screwing Arcturus Mengsk’s judiciary. Why, it’s what being Zerg is all about.

Besides, what nubile girl Mutalisk would pass up an opportunity to see Abathur in a suit and tie?

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Best option would be to go back to earth find Matt Murdock and Pheonix Wright, together they might be able to stop Amon’s evil lawyers.

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I don’t think Kerrigan cares much about the legal system. She did just outright murder Judicator Aldaris when he caught on to her. Raynor too, he served as Mar Sara’s Marshall and was a badass Sheriff that bent the law every once in a while.

I would however, like to see Matt and Mira in divorce court, that will definitely make for some good reality tv.

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Actually, Lotv looks like Raynor, Kerri and Artanis fight against Amon who won the court.

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I actually don’t think Mira would show up to court. She’s got the death sentence in twelve systems, so going to court will likely result in her being arrested.

I think she’d bribe the lawyers and the judge to reject the divorce, though.

Matt Horner: I want to get divorced.

Judge: You can’t get divorced, Mr. Horner.

Matt Horner: What do you mean, I CAN’T get divorced?!

Judge: just what I said, go home into the armos of your loving wife because your request is DENIED. Till death do you part, Admiral.

Matt Horner, at this point, draws his pistol and blows his own brains out. The judge then pounds the gavel and declares the court adjourned and everybody leaves but the corpse on the floor.

Interstellar divorce court is so ROMANTIC!

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RIP Matt Horner, lost in love with Mira Han.

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Mira will forget to go to the funeral because she’s too busy counting Matt Horner’s credits that she inherited. Besides, if she decided to cry over his death, would that artificial eye even produce tears?

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It will produce whining credits.

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The grieving widow Mira Han would like to know more about this lucrative opportunity at “gainful employment.”

I would have preferred Raynor dating Matt so both could be happy and out of trouble due to problematic girls.

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Raynor dates very dangerous situations only.

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Yup, I remember Horner asking Raynor in the non-canon Tosh/Nova choice, “Do you know any NORMAL girls?”

Luckily for Raynor, his girl became a Xel’naga and now knows where he is at all times.